Wet Posteriors, Baby Deer and Flat Tires « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowWet Posteriors, Baby Deer and Flat Tires

Wet Posteriors, Baby Deer and Flat Tires
Published on Sunday, June 7, 2009 by

How can I describe this weekend?  Hmmm.  Let’s see.  In one word?  Eventful. 

Friday night involved arriving home from work and packing for the beach house.  Rain was imminent so we loaded quite a lot early on.  Before we were done the rain hit, and hit HARD.  I had my two boys, three of their friends and my daughter all staring out the window at the sheets of rain and lightening. 

“It will blow by soon. Let’s wait a bit so we won’t be soaking wet for 2 ½ hours in the car.”  Soon never came, so we covered up what we could and raced to the van.  Picture six children and one adult throwing bags to the car in the pouring rain. 

When I plopped myself into the seat and slammed the door, I soon found my back and behind to be soaking, and I mean SOAKING wet. “Why is my seat soaking wet!?”  AHHHHH!  

What?  How?  Oh NO!  I had purchased rack straps for my son’s surfboard the day before.  The straps run across the car and through each window – both in the back and front.  Note to self.  Never use the surfboard rack in the rain, as the straps serve as excellent water wicks, bringing pouring rain into the car.  All of us were wet, cold and hungry – but off we went. 

Did I mention the rain?  The streets were FLOODED.  But we pushed on.  After all, the storms will blow by soon. Right?  But when we heard about a tornado that had touched down exactly where we were headed, we decided to stop at Wendy’s for some dinner and shelter.


We covered ourselves in towels, bags and anything else we could and flew into Wendy’s as the lightening and thunder crashed above.  A group of wet teenage rats, an 8 year old and I shivered, barefoot in a restaurant, ordering our meals.  We were not the only towel-clad barefoot people there either.  “Let’s eat inside.  After all, the storms will blow by soon, right?” 

We lingered, but the rain kept on.  I visited the ladies room and turned on the hot hand drier to dry my back and derriere.  And you know what?  When an employee came in and found me drying my hiney, she didn’t even look twice. 

The storms kept on, but we had to go.  So I raced to the car with a wet towel over my head, brought the car up and the kids flew in.  Remember the straps running through the car?  Water was actually RAINING from them, across both my son and I as well as the three boys in the very back.  This inside rain continued for 3 ½ hours. 

I gripped the steering wheel and prayed prayed prayed as I slowly made my way to the Outer Banks.  The lightening crashed on top of us and never let up.  It was like childbirth.  Unbearable, then a pocket of lighter rain and hope, and then back to unbearable.  But we made it safely. 

True to weekend beach house form, we had all kinds of adventures, mishaps and memories made.  The water was just warm enough for the kids to surf and body board, although the wind kept the water time a bit short.  

We saw pelicans, a red fox and crabs.  And the best?  A mother deer with a tiny baby deer in spots prancing behind.  Back and forth, in and out. 

Then, to our  amazement, Mama deer walked her baby directly below our deck.  We held our breath and watched the tiny little dear toddle under us while Mama looked up at us with her big brown watchful eyes.  One… two… three… shhhhhh…. there they go!  Close your eyes.  Breathe again.

After all these adventures, it was time to go.  House cleaned, car loaded, teens and daughter ready.  Turn the key… wait.  Turn the key… ummmmm… isn’t the car supposed to start? 

All teenagers in front of the van.  PUSH!  Slowy… slowly… “Ma’am do you need some help?”  More pushes, another turn.  Move the other van in front… jumper cables at the ready.  Turn the key – voila!  But wait.  Mom’s tire is flat.  My tire light is on.  My car shows zero gas.  But I have half a tank!  Sighhhh.  Meet you at the gas station. 

Air in tire one, two, three, four and finally, five.  Pull up to the pump.  Turn off the key.  Pray.  Add ten dollars of gas.  Pray.  Turn.  We have liftoff!!  Bye Grandma!  See you later! 

Two potty stops, darkness arriving, parents calling.  Are you almost home?  Yes, almost home.  David, can you hand me my water bottle?  Thanks!  Take a drink, hold the bottle between my legs.  Take another drink.  Notice the draw bridge is open up ahead.  Another delay. 

Stop the car.  Wait.  Ummm.. do I feel something wet?  Ohhh NOOOOOO!  My butt is wet!  AGAIN!  Sure enough.  Only I would have the one bottle that has a tiny pinhole in the bottom.  While I was holding my bottle, it was sending a delicate spray of water into my car seat, spreading beautifully across my once dry shorts.  A car bidet.  My rear end is wet again.  And the circle is complete.

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