Zombie Turkeys Mess with your Mind « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowZombie Turkeys Mess with your Mind

Zombie Turkeys Mess with your Mind
Published on Friday, November 26, 2010 by

Some say it is the tryptophan in the turkey that makes you sleepy.  But foods like pork, chicken and cheese actually contain more tryptophan than turkey does.  The sleepiness comes from the insulin your body releases after eating the bready stuffing and everything that goes along with the Thanksgiving meal.  Or so they say.  I say different.  I say it is zombie turkeys.  And zombie turkeys mess with your mind.

More than 5 million turkeys are killed each year for Thanksgiving.  That adds up to a lot of angry turkeys.  And what few people know is that a dead turkey makes for a perfect zombie.  I know because I was visited by one last night.

With gastroparesis, one simply cannot eat a whole meal.  Thanksgiving for us GP sufferers is a holiday we like to pretend doesn’t exist.  So despite my efforts to keep my stomach empty, I went to bed feeling like a human turdukin.

I finally fell into a fitful sleep when I swear I was awakened by an inhuman scream outside of my bedroom window.  Then came another howling noise, and perhaps the scuffle of turkey feet.  MANY turkey feet.  The zombie turkeys were making their rounds.

After keeping my head under the covers for what seemed like forever, the lack of oxygen finally carried me to deep sleep.  It was there that I struggled with an evening of violent and stressful dreams.

Much of it was pulled from my last few weeks of experiences, which makes me certain the zombie turkeys were watching.  I was on an airplane in my dream, stranded in a foreign place.  Remember my recent trip to Nevada?  Yea, the zombie turkeys knew about that.  Obviously.

Then came the parts about money and how I didn’t have any.  The zombie turkeys know my great financial fear as Christmas approaches.  And they used it against me.   They sent evil monsters chasing me through my dreams as I frantically looked for someone to help me find food and shelter.  Every time I thought I was safe, another evil being would pounce out of nowhere and begin the chase.  Those zombie turkeys?  They are GOOD.

So the next time someone talks to you about turkey and tryptophan, set them straight.  Let them know about the zombie turkeys and how they mess with your mind.  Not that there is anything they can do about it.  Because the moment you put your head down Thanksgiving night, the zombie turkeys will come.  And mess with your mind.

zombie turkey

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  • Well this explains so very much. Bwahahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂

  • LegoGuy64

    Amazing the number of variations that we notice in God's creation.

    And, just think, for every one we notice, there are a million we do not.

    We have the creative stacked on the creative stacked on the creative………During the Christmas season, it's hard to ignore all the gifts we have been granted by the supreme intelligence.


  • Ok…. that turkey picture is scary… I may never look at a frozen turkey the same again..


  • Sheila Sultani

    Poor thing – my mom had Esophageal cancer about five years ago and since then she can hardly eat anything at all and has all sorts of gastro issues. It sucks when you spend the day cooking at then can only eat a dimes worth of food. As far as the Zombie Turkey – OMG we have one in our neighborhood. The other day I was sitting typing on the computer and saw this huge shadow flying outside – I thought it was superman or something. I look outside and our neighborhood Turkey Hawk was sitting on a post blocking the sun. We saw this guy a year ago, chowing on a squirrel and haven't seen it again until last week – freaky – I had no idea it was a zombie – I'm scared.

    • Sheila Sultani

      Actually I think it's called a chicken hawk –

  • Oh great! Now I am going to have nightmares about these Zombie Turkeys! Ahahahhahahahaahahhaha!

  • I am sorry that the zombie turkeys found you. Although I am glad that they found you rather than me :).

  • You know, I've always wondered why you never really saw any animals in zombie movies. Now I know. Thank you. I'll be spreading the word to watch out for Zombie Turkeys.

    Apart from that, hope you had a great Thanksgiving! 🙂

  • Chickensconsigliere

    That's one scary looking zombie! He came to visit me, as well. It took some doing, but I managed to convince him I was also a turkey zombie. Thank God for those voice lessons! Thanks for visiting my blog and reading. I'm glad you did!

  • Uh oh, just one more thing to stress about over Thanksgiving. Oh well, I've got another whole year to prepare. Yikes, Christmas is coming…I think we'll have ham.

  • This is why we eat the body, not the head.

    Also, it's evolution on crack!

  • Turkeys are not my favorite thing. They are scary actually. And stupid. Turkeys will drown if they are left out in the rain because they keep looking up to see where the water is coming from. Chickens are smarter and lower maintenance. Plus, I’ve never heard of a zombie chicken, have you?

  • Looking at that ugly purplish red thing, I really have to applaud the first man that thought a bird that looked like that would make good food!
    lol@ Zombie turkey. I would gladly chop those ugly heads off to get rid of them..

  • Just read your post about gastroparesis. Sorry dear. That can’t be easy. Hang in there alright.

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