Some say it is the tryptophan in the turkey that makes you sleepy. But foods like pork, chicken and cheese actually contain more tryptophan than turkey does. The sleepiness comes from the insulin your body releases after eating the bready stuffing and everything that goes along with the Thanksgiving meal. Or so they say. I say different. I say it is zombie turkeys. And zombie turkeys mess with your mind.
More than 5 million turkeys are killed each year for Thanksgiving. That adds up to a lot of angry turkeys. And what few people know is that a dead turkey makes for a perfect zombie. I know because I was visited by one last night.
With gastroparesis, one simply cannot eat a whole meal. Thanksgiving for us GP sufferers is a holiday we like to pretend doesn’t exist. So despite my efforts to keep my stomach empty, I went to bed feeling like a human turdukin.
I finally fell into a fitful sleep when I swear I was awakened by an inhuman scream outside of my bedroom window. Then came another howling noise, and perhaps the scuffle of turkey feet. MANY turkey feet. The zombie turkeys were making their rounds.
After keeping my head under the covers for what seemed like forever, the lack of oxygen finally carried me to deep sleep. It was there that I struggled with an evening of violent and stressful dreams.
Much of it was pulled from my last few weeks of experiences, which makes me certain the zombie turkeys were watching. I was on an airplane in my dream, stranded in a foreign place. Remember my recent trip to Nevada? Yea, the zombie turkeys knew about that. Obviously.
Then came the parts about money and how I didn’t have any. The zombie turkeys know my great financial fear as Christmas approaches. And they used it against me. They sent evil monsters chasing me through my dreams as I frantically looked for someone to help me find food and shelter. Every time I thought I was safe, another evil being would pounce out of nowhere and begin the chase. Those zombie turkeys? They are GOOD.
So the next time someone talks to you about turkey and tryptophan, set them straight. Let them know about the zombie turkeys and how they mess with your mind. Not that there is anything they can do about it. Because the moment you put your head down Thanksgiving night, the zombie turkeys will come. And mess with your mind.