You Know You Have Teenagers Of The Male Persuasion When: « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowYou Know You Have Teenagers Of The Male Persuasion When:

You Know You Have Teenagers Of The Male Persuasion When:
Published on Friday, January 8, 2010 by
  • You never have to change the sheets because your teenagers sleep on the couches.
  • There is drool on your couch and the arm rest smells like dirty hair.
  • Briefs are out and boxers are in.
  • Every month you find cut hair in the sink and on the floor.  Nobody looks like they have had a haircut.
  • You see their eyes shift towards you as they quickly type a text message and flip the phone shut.
  • You haven’t bought a winter jacket for your child in years.  The only thing in between your child and the bitter cold is a hoodie.
  • You find yourself almost instinctively saying, “That’s what she said!” in public or at work.
  • Your son hangs on you until it almost hurts, and often gets in your “space.” But you don’t want to push him away because you know this won’t last much longer!
  • You tell them something important.  No response, glazed eyes.  You tell them the same important thing again.  No response, glazed eyes.  You get in front of them and repeat AGAIN that very important thing.  “Gosh Mom I HEARD you – you don’t have to tell me a million times!!!”
  • Can’t ANYBODY flush the TOILET around here!!!??
  • Your child has NO PROBLEM mentioning you have “old lady hands” or crater-like lines around your face.  “No offense, Mom.”
  • Every time you hear about a car accident, you feel a knot in your stomach as you gaze at the child who will soon be driving.
  • Xbox 360’s equate to all nighters during vacations.
  • Morning showers take twenty minutes.  Nineteen of those minutes involve them sitting in the tub half asleep while the water shoots over them.  I assume the last minute might have something to do with shampoo and soap?
  • You don’t get to talk to your teen on the way to school anymore because he has his eyes closed and the ipod on.
  • Your teen looks at you like a deer in the headlights if you suggest they CALL somebody with a question.
  • You don’t even think twice when you find a month old chicken wing in a dresser drawer.
  • You walk in to the bathroom and find a perfectly shaped pair of pants and boxers on the floor, body outline completely intact as if your child shot out of them like a canon.
  • You find a pile of crumpled shirts tucked in a corner, and as you go for them your son blurts out, “NO MOM!! I’ll get them!!”  <shudder>
  • Farting.  It’s a way of life.  Unless you are a Mom.   Then you are labeled disgusting.

Sorry, I can’t list a teenage girl – YET (crossing myself).  Do you have anything to add to the list?

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  • Great list. I am sure I will have some girl stuff to give you in a year or so. I can hardly wait.

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  • Jen

    You covered them pretty well. The hoodie is the one that gets me daily especially in this cold snap. When my son was a toddler I found minnows in his pocket. Since then I have been prepared for just about anything. The morning shower is in the night here, which is good because I’d never have any hot water for my shower in the morning. I’ll go down to his room, hear the water running in the shower and see him sitting at his computer. When I ask what he is doing he says waiting for the hot water to come on. His shower is five feet from the water heater. Argh!

    • We have so little hot water in the house… I make sure MY shower is first. They could easily shower the night before but for some reason don’t unless wrestling or basketball has made them feel WAY nasty. You know, as a kid I remember starting the shower and walking away… I wonder why I did that!

  • I absolutely HATE hoodies! I’ll stick to my leather jacket. And my couch is for my dog! I prefer the floor anyways. And 20 minutes? GET REAL! mine are about 45.

    • LOL good one Tommy – the couch is for your DOGS though, right? 😉

  • Lol! NO WAY! Only my dog gets on my couch! If they choose to let their dog on the couch in the living room thats their choice. But the couch in my room is covered with white hair :/ Not good when you wear a bunch of black….

  • LOL! Love the list. I so can relate on the toilet.

  • I had to outlaw shorts in December. I told my daughter that they are not allowed until spring. No one in my house can flush either. I guess it is a skill that is developed when you become an adult (I hope).

  • I can’t believe he actually spends a whole 20 minutes in the shower! Mine seems to be allergic to water.

  • The toilet one is spot on. Well…so are the rest. Great list!

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