THE POOP POST « Shoot Me Now


Published on Friday, April 24, 2009 by

I’ve held on to this story all week, waiting… debating.  Do I post it?  Is it too gross?  How do I word it?  But the story has snowballed at work to the point where I feel I must share.  Welcome to the official Poop Post.  If you are squeamish, do not read on. 

I am fortunate enough to sit in front of a window on the second floor of a five story building.  I look out to a parking lot that has three sides. My building (with five floors of windows looking down to the lot), a parking garage full of people and a day care center. 

A few days ago a flash outside the window caught my eye.  It was a nice, shiny sports car speeding into the parking lot.  This is unusual since we are sharing the lot with a daycare.  The car races to a spot, the door opens and a young guy gets out.  As he is exiting, he is pulling down his pants and assumes a squat position. 

Again, if you are squeamish, do not read on. 

I called out to my co-workers, “Oh my GOSH! I think this guy is going poop in the parking lot!”  Everyone rushed to the windows.  WHY do we do that? From our vantage point, all you could see was his head, but I certainly did not miss his hand reaching into the back seat for a sheet of 8 ½ X 11 paper.  Let your imagination roll with that one. 

After a brief moment, he stood up in a motion involving both speed and a quick raise of the pants.  Back in the car he went.  But now the curious part.  He sat there for a minute or two.  The tinted windows kept us from viewing his further actions, which I believe is a blessing.  Finally, he backed up (not before he ran over his own poop) and exited the parking lot. 

Stunned silence. 

As my family will tell you, only I would see something as bizarre and gross as this.  I’m so lucky.  Now, this whole incident raised a very serious question in my mind.  If you had to go.  I mean really REALLY go.  Would you just go in your pants, or would you get out in a crowded parking lot and show your business to the world?  Take a moment to ponder. 

Since then, the emails have been flying.  Yesterday I received one with the subject line, “Parking Notice. Watch Your Step.”  Attached was the picture below.  The real deal, with clever photoshop text editing.  I about busted a gut. 


In response, another coworker replied with the subject line, “I wondered why my email smelled so bad,” and this picture. 

Finally, the reply, “This is the Pooper’s Car”:

At 43 years old, poop can still be funny. 

Now, I ask you.  Would you wait, or throw yourself to the parking lot.  I dare you to answer.  And will respect you greatly if you do!


Now it is getting silly.  The pictures being created are getting more and more bizarre.  This one came with the subject, “There is a dung beetle infestation in the parking lot!”

stretch armstrong and dung beetle

Then came the challenge to add Big John Stud to the picture:

dung beetle with big john stud

big john stud

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