The Demented Tooth Fairy « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Demented Tooth Fairy

The Demented Tooth Fairy
Published on Tuesday, February 16, 2010 by

When I was little, the Tooth Fairy left a quarter under my pillow for each tooth.  And I was happy.  My daughter?  She is not driven by money.  She is touched by things given from the heart.   This is the very reason for the note I found next to her bed this weekend, after she had five teeth pulled out.

funny tooth fairy

Now keep in mind, when I am home, I am never alone.  Elizabeth goes with me everywhere.  Furthermore, there was no way I was going to leave her with anyone while she was still hurting.  So where was the Tooth Fairy going to get these requested items?

It wasn’t until Sunday night that I found an opportunity to score five special things.  I was driving my son home after basketball, planning to stop at Rite Aid for a few little hair and jewelry items.  Unfortunately they were closed.  The only other option was the Walgreens across the street.

I’ve never been to Walgreens before.  To my surprise, there wasn’t a jewelry item in sight.  So I had to do the best I could with what was in front of me.  With a little help from my teenage son, I managed to score five things to go under her pillow.

Rubber glowing worm?  Sure!  He looks special to me!  Squirmles?  Oh YEA, I had one of those when I was young!  Sizzler magnets?  OK, I’m pushing it here, but why not.  Then my son arrives with a pretty nifty yo-yo.  Maybe not her thing, but since he was helping I certainly didn’t want to turn him down.  And was it any worse than that creepy purple glowing guy?

So I was up to four.  Needed one more.  Walking, looking, walking, looking.  NOTHING.  Until I turned the corner and found myself in the As Seen On TV aisle.  And found an item that she and I had wondered at just a few days before.  The Turbo Snake.  SWEET!  Not even thinking twice, I grabbed it and checked out.

OK, so the Tooth Fairy put a drain snake under my daughter’s pillow.  Doesn’t she do that with everyone?  But GET THIS.  It was the first thing Elizabeth squealed at, and was the first thing she opened.  My drains are crystal clear now.  Thanks, Tooth Fairy!

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  • Awwww, this is at once hilarious and sweet. I love that she wanted to see the drain snake first. That is so bizarre! This story made me smile a big toothy grin. I love her letter to the Tooth Fairy. Wish her well for me. Five teeth out is a lot!

  • Our Walgreens rocks! I can’t believe you couldn’t find a million special items there. I was at Walgreens today and have to admit that I noticed the Turbo Snake while I was there. I was this close to buying one myself.

    Five teeth sounds tough for a little girl. I can’t believe she had to go through it. Poor little thing. I am glad you were able to do something special for her.

  • Joy

    So refreshing to see a child growing up and unencumbered by the love of money. You should frame her letter; it will be a treasure in 20 years. What did you do about the picture?

  • Your daughter would get along well with mine. My daughter would be thrilled to find something from the As Seen On TV aisle underneath her pillow. =) Sweet and funny post.

  • awwwww! That has to be the best letter to the Tooth Fairy EVER written!

  • Thanks, good post

  • Me thinks the tooth fairy has a subconscious obsession with long, skinny worm-like things. Me thinks that the tooth fairy needs to save his or her money to seek counseling immediately! HA! Hilarious story..and what are sizzler magnets??

  • Cute! Very cute! I love it!

  • Carla,I fully agree with you ,thanks to author

  • sheilasultani

    What a smart girl – but, Man, you've got it easy – my kids are brutal little money grubbers. Of course I have to take some of the blame. My middle son had to have surgery and get 10 teeth pulled and we gave him $100 because he was so pitiful. Damn the school for teaching him division – now we are kind of stuck in the $10 per tooth.

    • I couldn't have done that when my daughter had her surgery, because it took me almost a year to come up with the money for procedure alone… I think she was lucky to get the drain snake! 🙂

  • You passed with flying colors!

    Her note would have sent me in a panic. But my kids always want the cold hard cash.

    Nice job “tooth fairy!”

  • Fag

    How did and I know a fairy tale about a tooth fairy:) I still remember, kk climbed under his pillow every time expecting to get something for a tooth:))) Oh, there were times of childhood:)

  • That reminds me of my children. They grow up, too fast. Enjoy her while she is young.

    • My oldest only has two years of HS left before going to college… it DOES go by fast… she used to be my baby and now she is NINE… how does that happen?!

  • LorettaJohn01


  • It’s nice that there are kids who still prefer little things. She liked the drain snake, huh? Wow. That item must be really special to her. Did she visit the dentist after she lost her tooth?

  • Very informative blog!!…..Whiten teeth increase the beautification of our face and also increase our confidence level. So we should take care of our teeth. Can anybody suggests me some tips to make our teeth whiten.

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