The Art of the Fart « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Art of the Fart

The Art of the Fart
Published on Wednesday, August 19, 2009 by

On my morning drive I found myself switching radio stations, trying to get away from a commercial and in to something interesting.  Button number five caught my attention as our local country DJ was in a fit of giggles.  Then came the female sidekick, attempting to act in a “shame on you” manner, soon failing as she herself began to giggle.

They were laughing at… wait for it wait for it… farts.  The DJ was playing a video of a city council meeting in which someone lets one go.  The speaker attempts to keep her composure, finally failing as the mad farter strikes a second time.  After playing the video, the DJ talked about men and farts.  He said, “The minute someone rips one, men turn into children immediately.  God made us pass gas to give us a little something to laugh at.  It is His very best practical joke by far.”

Living in a house with two teenage boys, I can vouch for this.  To them, farts are the most hysterical thing in the world.  Be proud of them!  Show them off!  Tell everyone how you did it, where and what it sounded like!  “Hey MOM!  Today I was running in soccer and I had to fart REALLY BAD!  Some came out with every step I ran! It was like Pfft!  Pfft!  Pfft!  Pfft!  It was HYSTERICAL!”

Ahhh and let’s not forget the SMELL!  The nastier the smell, the more manly you are.  ESPECIALLY if you can rip one in the car and stink everyone out.  How many times have I been driving along, minding my own business when it hits.  “OHHHH DAVID!!!”  I look over and he is grinning from ear to ear.  All windows go down and heads are out, desperately searching for fresh air.

I won’t tell you that every member of my family is in the blue flame club.  Look it up.

You can’t escape it.  Farting, pooting, breaking wind, gassing…  everyone does it.  The difference is in how you handle it.  My poor mother – a true lady – is subjected countless times to my children’s gaseous shenanigans.  She is such a lady that at one point she attempted to express, “He who smelt it dealt it,” but came out with, “He who SAYED it LAYED it.”  Oh GRANDMA!!!

So there you go.  My house is the House of Phartz.  I have boys.  It is their way.

Here is the video that started it all.  Watch it and then admit it.  You cracked a smile.  I know you did… I saw it!

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