The Absolutely WORST Post You Will Ever Read! « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Absolutely WORST Post You Will Ever Read!

The Absolutely WORST Post You Will Ever Read!
Published on Monday, April 6, 2009 by

gross storyI remember a Saturday Night Live skit in which a man dies and goes to heaven.  St. Peter lets him ask three questions.  One of them was, “What is the grossest thing I ever ate.”  St. Peter replied, “Trust me, you can’t handle the answer to that question.”

I will not need to ask that question.  I already know the answer.

This is going to be the most disgusting and embarrassing post ever read in this blog.  At least I pray this is the most disgusting and embarrassing post you’ll ever see here. 

There are no words to describe what I did today.  How could I have been so stupid. 

When I came home, my daughter met me at the door with a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade.  I took a sip of this amazing concoction.  Heaven.  Then in the frenzy that always follows walking in the door, I put the glass down. 

Later I began to pick up random things in the house that didn’t belong.  Sock.  Trash.  Oh look, there is the lemonade!  I picked up the glass and noticed it looked less like lemonade than it should. 

So what do I, Mrs. Einstein herself do?  I stick my finger in it and taste it.  Tastes a bit like water.  Old water.  Better toss that. 

A few minutes later it hit me.  Are you ready?  The cup had been next to the couch.  The couch where my son was planted the entire day with a stuffy nose and fever.  My head spun as I remembered giving him a cup of water to “spit” in earlier this morning. 

I can hardly write this as my mind races at the reality of what occurred tonight.  My son was spitting phlegm into a cup of water all day.  I picked up the cup, stuck my finger in it and put that very finger in my mouth for a taste. 

I think I am going to have a glass of wine, then go to bed and put my head under my pillow.  No, actually… I am going to gargle with some gasoline first. 

Could it get any worse?

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