Step AWAY From The Computer! « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowStep AWAY From The Computer!

Step AWAY From The Computer!
Published on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 by

My “day work” involves building computers, fixing computer hardware/software issues, resolving pc-related network problems and teaching users how to … well, use a computer.  If I HAVE to work a day job, this is certainly the job for me to have.  It is different every day, I work with great people and have an awesome boss.

And my wonderful USERS.  God love them all.  The way I look at it, THEY are experts at what THEY do, so they don’t need to know how to fix computers as well.  That is MY job.  I am more than happy to fix a problem for someone who is in turn performing surgery on a child.  Fair trade.

But you know?  Sometimes, you just WONDER.  Case in fact:

  • A neurologist handed me his palm.  He was frantic.  “My word documents are all gone!  There is only one on there!  I NEED THOSE DOCUMENTS!”  I looked at his screen and saw his “one” document open.  I took the stylus and clicked on the X at the top right hand of the screen to close the document.  Once his document was closed, you could see his full list of documents.  You know, this ISN’T brain surgery!
  • “My computer isn’t working!”  OK, then let’s reboot the pc.  Turn off your computer.  Is it turned off?  Yes?  OK, now turn it back on.  “I told you this wouldn’t work!  The SAME THING is on the screen that was on before!”  You are SURE you rebooted the pc??  “YES, I TOLD YOU THAT!”  Alright, let’s try it again.  Push the button on your pc and hold it until the pc shuts down.  Then wait a second and turn it back on again.  “IT IS STILL THE SAME THING ON MY SCREEN!”  pause… Ummmm…. OK.  Now, look under your desk.  Do you see the BOX that has the wires coming out of it?  NOT the screen on top of your desk, but the BOX UNDER THE DESK.  Let’s push THAT button now!
  • “My TV is broken!  I need a new TV.”  Your TV?  We don’t service TV’s.  “Yes you do!  And I need a new one!”  Can you read to me what is on your… umm… TV?  “HP Widescreen Monitor.”  OK… I’ll bring a new TV right over… <cough>
  • Time and time and time again I receive a call that a computer is down, only to see the user has kicked the power strip and turned it off.  Maybe they should have gotten a clue when their radio and calculator didn’t work as well?
  • “That monitor is dead!  It just won’t work!”  Hmmm let me see.  (As I pick up a very noticeable monitor cable that is resting next to the mouse on the desk.)  Perhaps this is your problem.  (As I plug in the monitor cable and the monitor comes to life.)  “Ohhhhh!  Shelly told me that cable absolutely did NOT belong to the monitor!”
  • And then yesterday I received a call from a doctor, stating his computer had a burning smell.  I instructed him to turn it off and unplug it immediately.  With two new power supplies in tow, I arrived within the hour.  I was directed to an office with a closed door.  “We had to close the door.  The burning smell is so bad!  Oh and please don’t mind the mess.  We are drying out some papers that were nearly ruined from the nor’easter flooding.”  Looking down I saw a rotating OLD heater blowing hot air on the wrinkled paperwork.  After smelling the computer both inside and out, I announced that the computer was just fine.  Funny how the burning smell started as soon as they plugged in the ancient, hospital-code-violation space heater.  Can you say, “Duhhhh!”

I won’t talk about the dead mouse in the printer.  Or the cockroaches on the mother board.  And I DEFINITELY won’t talk about the vomit in the keyboard.

I love my job!

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