My Shoes Are A Magnet To… « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowMy Shoes Are A Magnet To…

My Shoes Are A Magnet To…
Published on Wednesday, August 11, 2010 by

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magnet to

Finish that sentence.  If you know me and you know my luck, I would assume your answer is POOP.  And you are correct.  But the story has a twist…

For the last two months, no matter what tennies I have on, my feet seem to be an irresistable magnet to poop.  Of course there is plenty of that in my own back yard.  But my feet often drift to the outside.  To the untouched.  To the Poop of Unknown Origin.

The first I remember was in my neighbor’s yard.  He has two dogs, so it was a no brainer that my feet would magically gravitate to the closest pile available.  The one in the high grass that was obviously waiting in stealth mode for me to casually walk by.

It called to my shoes.  It taunted them.  It cast a spell on them until they could do no less than stomp right in the middle of the waiting bounty.  “Oh MANNNNN!”

I made my way back doing the Poop Shoe Twist.  You know the one.  Take a step in the grass and twist.  Another step and twist.  Forget what the neighbors think.  Just hold your head high and step twist step twist.  “Why yes, I DO have dog poop on my shoe.  How could you tell?”

That pair went on my front steps, waiting to dry for easy removal.

Then came the second pair.  Just a week later I was pulling out of my driveway on my way to work.  Oops!  Forgot something!  I left the van on the side of the street, just in front of my neighbor’s house.  I got my lunch and flew back to the car.  Slam the door, put it in drive and… sniff?  Sniffff?  “OH NOOOOOOO!”

Yes, my shoes once again fell victim to some Poop of Unknown Origin.  I apparently stepped in a pile, flew into the car and put my foot on the brake as I manipulated the car into drive.  It was on my shoe, on the floor board, the carpet and… did you know that brake pedals have deep DEEP ridges in them?

A second pair of shoes was placed on the front steps.

And finally, pair number three.  My brand new stinking expensive Sketchers Shape Ups.  I never EVER buy anything for myself.  EVER.  But I had been pricing these babies out for months and months.  I received a significant check for writing and decided that I deserved a pair for my daily power walks. They would help my heel spurs and my posture.  AND I had found them for $50 off!

So there I am, walking my poor arthritic dog.  My dog who can’t squat to do her business anymore.  I had my new Sketchers on.  I actually thought to myself, “Ha ha!  I am so smart!  I am walking on the sidewalk instead of the grass so I won’t mess up my new Sketchers!”

That was when my dog chose to go potty.  BIG potty.  It dropped and I stepped.  The other dropped and the other shoe stepped.  Why would I expect anything less.

Three pairs of shoes were then taking refuge on my front steps.

Yesterday was the final straw.  Just before leaving for work I sat by my dog and gave her a morning batch of arthritis pills.  Rather than shove them down her throat, I hide them in everything from peanut butter to square cheese or deli meat.

That morning I had chosen individually wrapped square cheese.  She rejected it.  I forgot about it and used something else.  When I subsequently walked to the front door I realized my steps seemed a bit, well, cheesy.

stepped in poop

There is no more room on my front steps.

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  • Boy, do you know how to attract 'em Kate. lol. you didnt mention errr flies?. I can almost see the next story…..watchout for the next episode of 'What Katy did next!'
    I'm lucky somewhat. I rarely step into icky things. God knows I wouldnt have had any shoes left….straight into the bin.

    • I was VERY tempted to toss the shoes…. I ended up cleaning them…. with my head turned to the side a bit and my face squished up. Yucckkkkkkk

  • That's the worst — snapping your seat belt on, starting the car and stop. Stop. Whoa.

    What the — auugghhh! Unfortunately, I've experienced that smell and it's just like hearing, “The call is coming from INSIDE the house!”

    • Ha ha!! This week I walked in the house and it hit me… my son didn't realize Dottie had to go out… I had some cleaning to do! Poor puppy!

  • So there's no more room on your front steps…are you out of shoes yet?
    Seriously, I hope you can get them all clean.

    • Yup, I scrubbed them up…. the steps are all empty now… until my next misstep!

  • No, not the Shape Ups! Anything but the Shape Ups! Sorry, I just had a traumatic reaction. That is why I am afraid to wear my Shape Ups outside. It sounds like it is time to get out the big hose and start to spray.

    • You have shape ups??? Do you like them? So far I love mine! Not sure if I am getting more muscles, but they have actually helped my posture. 🙂

  • My pup, Honey, is about 11 and has arthritis too. I give her pills every day and find that using Pill Pockets makes it so much easier for both of us. They have them everywhere. Cleaning up shoes with a hose and a brush works pretty good, but hey! I just wish people would clean up after their dogs. I do, but a lot of them don't. My neighbor lets her 3 dogs out at night so they can drop their presents on neighbor's lawns. It annoys me, but I don't say anything to her because I'm non-confrontational like that. Still, Poor Girl! I'm sorry about all the caca shoes!

    • I'm non-confrontational too, so I REALLY get that! I don't understand walking your dog without a bag. It's just rude! On the beach I often see owners kick sand over their dogs messes…. they aren't thinking about all the children who dig in that sand!

      Guess what I just started with Dottie?? LASER TREATMENTS!!! They are $45 each so I can only buy three now (and that hurts!) but she already had her first treatment. Her bones in her spine are fusing together. They use the laser on either side of her spine in a diagonal direction to “mix it all up.” They say after the first treatment you don't see a difference, but after two and three you normally do. They start to feel so much better that you have to keep them quiet and calm so they won't hurt themselves, until all six treatments are over. After the six it lasts about 12 weeks, and then you get a “booster” treatment. I can't wait to see if this helps her!!! It is a class four laser… the same kind they use on people. 🙂

      • I really haven't heard about this for pups, but I will ask my vet about it. I think because Honey is older, we are just trying to keep her as pain free as we can. If it gets worse, we won't let her suffer. I'm just not prepared to lose her Katherine. She's my little soul mate. (Only she's not little, she's a full figured girl like her mama!)

  • I have put cheese on nearly everything. But never my front steps. You make it look good, but I don't think I'll try it just the same 🙂

  • And I was just going to guess GUM! I never would have imagined cheese!

    • And so typical of me… I KNEW I had put the cheese down… but what do I do? I step in it! And don't even REALIZE it and then I walk with it all over the house!!

  • Baixar Filmes

    Too funny! 2. Very good.

  • This post is really entertaining. I'm laughing to myself thinking about that pileup of shoes on your front steps. And also, that thing about the Poop Shoe Twist is so freaking true. I've definitely been there.

  • thank you for posting . please do more good article.i like it so much .I will always follow it.

  • yuani

    ^_^
    funny story, when I read it, I can imagine in that situation, so funny..

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