The Mile High Club Revised « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Mile High Club Revised

The Mile High Club Revised
Published on Sunday, April 4, 2010 by

Today was our first full day at the beach house and as always, things were wonderful and completely unpredictable.

The morning hours brought forth thick fog that held an amazing taste of the ocean’s salt.  Surprisingly, the early afternoon sun didn’t burn it off, leaving our beach walks a little bit creepy, fun and certainly adventurous.  The air was so thick that our hair became saturated with water, as if we had been walking in the rain.

My daughter scored the first piece of sea glass, resulting in a chorus of, “You Win!” from me and my mother.  But not only did she win, she conquered.  It was a huge piece of magical light green glass that still had the bottle’s rounded bottom edge.


With fog that lasted most of the day, it never occurred to me to apply suntan lotion.  Big mistake, as you can see:


My mother treated us to the Black Pelican for dinner prior to our sundown Easter Mass.  What an amazing dinner.  While gazing out the window, my daughter spotted a three legged cat.  I couldn’t capture pirate kitty on film, but I certainly captured my daughter’s surprised face when she saw him.

three legged cat

But what I didn’t capture that will stay with me forever?  Her face when we went to the ladies room and saw the full sized poster of a naked man, tight buttocks clenching a happy hello as you walk towards the stalls.  It was a combination of curiosity, surprise, shock and great disbelief.  And it was absolutely priceless.  As was the gentleman’s tight buttocks.

And finally, the icing on the day’s fun-filled cake.  My oldest son’s meal was surprisingly tiny.  So Mom offered a nice appetizer to finish off his dinner.  Without a moment’s hesitation, he told the waiter he would like wings with Mile High hot sauce.  “That stuff is really hot, man…”  “That’s OK, I still want it.”  “No, this is really REALLY hot sauce.”  “That’s fine… I like hot.”

When they arrived, my eyes began to water.  My son’s first bite appeared to bring about surprise.  And then shock.  Continuing brought a completely red face, sweat seeping out of his pores and finally, blobs of snot oozing out of his nose.

My mother and I asked him to stop.  Urged him to stop.  Practically screamed, “STOP!”  But he is 16. And a boy.  And if he failed, he would be less of a man to the waiter.  So he finished the wings.  And two minutes later, ran to the bathroom and hurled.  As Dirty Harry says, “A man has got to know his limitations.”  Sometimes, you just have to test them.

Ah yes, a glorious end to a glorious day.  <burp>

mom blog

  • OMG – you stole one of my childhood photos (your daughter could of been my twin)

    It sounds like you’re having a blast! Why are boys soooo stupid – both of mine have done the EXACT same thing with hot wings – morons – the bad part is, they won’t learn, but do it over and over again.

  • Sounds like things are starting out well. Sorry you got so sunburned or should I say cooked. Silly boy and the hot wings. Hope you have a very Happy Easter.

  • ScoMan

    I think there’s a moment in every boys life when they order a super hot meal to look like a bigshot, thinking they’re a man and they can handle it, only to regret the decision.

    I can’t remember when mine was, but I have a feeling I’ve been there.

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  • Oh! You sound like you are having such a great time! [aside from the sunburn!] And, my son would have done the same thing! Silly Boys.

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