Them Italians Know Us Americans Good! « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThem Italians Know Us Americans Good!

Them Italians Know Us Americans Good!
Published on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 by

This weekend my mother and I took my daughter shopping for a First Communion dress.  Because we never EVER go shopping, my mother suggested we start with a special lunch, her treat.

I rattled off a few local restaurants, throwing out Olive Garden in the mix.  To my surprise, my daughter piped in that Olive Garden sounded like a great place to try.

Now, I’m not one to frequent chain restaurants.  If given the choice, my happy self will be planted in a seat at Pho ’79 or eating a plate of Kyushu sushi. Mmmmm-nom-nom-nom.  SOO-SHEEEE!

It was quite the adventure, this Olive Garden restaurant trip.  For starters, the chairs have wheels. Oh SWEET!  Rolling rolling rolling!  My daughter finally made me stop.

As we waited for our menus, the excitement continued.   Just a few tables away, I saw a waiter lift a tray that must have contained at least 60 glasses, all stacked on top of each other.

Count… one, two… KU-RASH!  If ONLY I had my Flip running – it was true America’s Home Video fodder.  Within seconds the 60 glasses became a pool of broken shards spread across the carpeted floor.  Good guess but no, it wasn’t me carrying the tray.  I WISH!

Finally, the menus arrived.  What to pick…. Cheese, sauce, more cheese… and S-A-U-C-E.   Some examples?

  • Artichoke and Spinach Dip?  1,099 calories and 94 grams of fat.
  • Stuffed Chicken Marsala with Garlic Mashed Potatoes?  1,215 calories and 86 grams of fat.
  • One breadstick?  280 calories.
  • And finally, the Olive Garden Tour of Italy? You are looking at 3,830 magnificent milligrams of sodium, 1,450 calories and 33 fat grams. DEE-LISH.

How was lunch?  It was actually pretty darn good.  But the waiter NEVER should have left the parmesan grinder on the table.  Hmmm, needs a bit more parmesan.  Grind Grind (hee hee, fun!) Grind…  Nom Nom Nom… Oh needs more.  Grind Grind….  Elizabeth, you want to play with the cheese grinder?  Sure!  I could use a bit more… Cheesy Grindy Fun Goodness.

And of course – BATHROOM.  NOW.

To my great amazement and surprise, I see they planned well when designing the bathroom.  For there, right next to the diaper changer was a Sharps container.  Now you can eat your Tour of Italy with confidence.  For just a few steps away is a diabetic’s paradise.  A sharps container for your blood-sugar-loving-convenience.  Excellent.  Welcome to America.

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