And The Third Thing To Bite Me Was? « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowAnd The Third Thing To Bite Me Was?

And The Third Thing To Bite Me Was?
Published on Saturday, August 14, 2010 by

ocean breeze water park

In celebration of my oldest son’s birthday, we went to Ocean Breeze Water Park for a fun day of water slides and stairs.  Up the stairs, down the slide.  Up the stairs, down the slide.  My nine year old was tied to my hip.  Do you know just how many times a nine year old can fly up a hill of stairs?  Proudly, I matched her every step.

My middle son was true to form, messing with anyone’s mind he could mess with.  Today he went to the Dip ‘N Dots counter and said, “Can I have some nachos, please?”  “We don’t have any nachos.  We just sell icecream.”  “Oh!  OK then give me the chips.”  “But we just have ice cream….”  My son put his head on the counter and feigned a weepy cry.  Then he walked away.

Later I looked across the park to see him practically cornering the ape mascot.  He had passed the ape an inner tube and was motioning for him to go on a slide with him.  The ape shook his head “no” and shrugged.  My son then pointed to the picture of this same ape going down a water slide.  Again, the ape shrugged.  The poor person inside that suit.  You just can’t win with my middle kid.  I find great joy in his absolute uniqueness.

Now for my big story.  I did it.  I DID IT!  On a whim I said to my son, “Take me on the speed slide!”  “OK LET’S GO!”  Up I climbed to the two very high speed slides.  Instructions soon came.  “Put your hands behind your head.  Keep on your back and cross your legs.”  Oh jeez.  I was about to go down a water slide that required safety instructions.

Before I could back out I threw myself at the tube, watched my son let go on the other side and then I let her rip.  My daughter said I screamed.  Maybe I blacked out during that part.  All I remember is the feeling of fear, free falling and then more fear that somehow I would not stop.

But I stopped.  I got up, looked back up the slide and grinned.  Grinned BIG.  After all, I was the only female over 24 that went down that slide today.  And I was CERTAINLY the only 44 year old mother of three that went down the slide in at least the last week.  I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT!  I even have marks on my back to prove it.  They obviously didn’t worry about smoothness when they attached the pieces together.

I found a video on Youtube of the slide:

So what does this have to do with something biting me?    At the water park?   You won’t guess it in a million years.  We walked to the car still in our bathing suits.  Got in.  Put it in drive.  Scratch.  Hmmm.  Scratch scratch.  Uhhhh….  Then my son scratches.  Scratch.  Mom?  But I was too busy to answer.  I had something biting me like crazy somewhere somewhat private.

OK, OK.  It was my bikini line.  Both legs.  And I started to form red bumps and welts.  As did my son.  Not on HIS bikini line.  On his ankles.  By then I was ready to cut my legs off.  The burn.  The sting.  The unbelievably long drive home.  I raced into the shower and literally dragged a razor across the fiery skin.  After all, maybe I COULD cut off my legs.

CHIGGERS.

Who else would park their car in a patch of chiggers but ME.

And who else would step in them and carry them in to the car but ME.

Fortunately my son was spared the worse.  But me?  I quickly began to search the internet for C-H-I-G-G-E-R-S.  The overwhelming home cure?  Listerine.  But I didn’t have Listerine.  I had Scope.  So I poured Scope all over my bikini line.  A small bit strayed.  We will not be talking about that.  But we CAN talk about how my bikini line became immediately fresh and minty.

Scope, Benadryl Spray, Cortisone Cream and Calamine Lotion later, I am not digging in to my skin with a knife.  And about 15 minutes ago I took a Benadryl and swallowed it with… well, a bit of Cosmo.

Tonight I will dream.  I will dream of my son dancing with an ape around a dish of nachos.  I will dream about climbing endless stairs.  I will dream about flying down the speed slide into a pool of chiggers.  And I will smile.  Because no other 44 year old woman slid down that slide today.  Especially in to a pool of chiggers.

mom blog

  • Happy Birthday Sonny! Your Mom is one brave lady…… chiggers, jellyfish and all!

    • I can't believe my first born is 17 now!!! I think he sees I'm brave… SOMETIMES…. ha ha!

  • Chiggers???

    You made me itch just reading about them.

    Love the image of your son and the ape. Hilarious!

    • The chiggers are GONE… and my son is still here. Everything is GOOD!

  • Chiggers! I just hate chiggers! I remember them from when I was a kid and we visited my Aunt in Oklahoma and we went someplace called Tinkiller and we all got chiggers! How gross!

    • Tinkiller… WOW! I guess if there was a place where chiggers were going to live, it would be tinkiller!

  • LOL You write so eloquently I am jealous. What fun to read. Thank you so much for the great BIG grins I got from reading of your fun day at the park.

    If you will permit me, I too know about chiggers and I like to help folks who get them as much as I can. This is blatant plug for some guys or gals or guys and gals as the case maybe that gives you a boat load of info on chiggers.

    It is well worth the price of admission. It saved me from going to the garage for the gas can, matches and ice pick. I was ready to douse the buggers with gas and set them on fire then put it out with the ice pick. I am sure they could not live through an inferno. And way, long story short I found them in the middle of the night and boy am a I glad I did. Chigger Treatment I hope this helps you and some other folks as well. As I say, it is worth the couple of bucks for admission.

    Again, great read. Kathlene

  • WICKED!! That looks like fun! Well, except for the chiggers. I'd do the same if you're curious. That's just my kind of luck!

    M

  • =O Chiggers? AHHHHHH! Despite the evil, biting bugs, it sounds like you all had a great time. And your trickster son? That made me laugh so hard. What a comedian.

    • Michael cracks me up SO MUCH. His biggest challenge is knowing WHEN to stop and be serious though… at least when he was in middle school. Monday he starts high school and is very motivated to be a great kid who knows when to have fun and when to study. I guess maturity has kicked in. But thankfully, maturity has not wiped out his bizarre sense of humor!

  • Ow, and Yay! I've never had chiggers, I don't even know if we have them here but they sound awful. The slide looks even worse.

    • I bet I could talk you in to going on the other one… you are supposed to “race”….. that would be AWESOME to get a video of us doing it! (WITH blurring around at least MY bathing suit clad body….)

      • I'm up for a race! I am super competitive and even though I'm afraid of heights I would totally race you, multiple times, until I won.

        • Hmmm… I might win a few times, not because I'm good but simply because I am heavier than you… and isn't there some kind of scientific thing about the heavier things are, the faster they will go? ha ha!!

  • Happy Birthday to your oldest son! And I wold have been way to terrified to go down that slide! Sorry to hear about the chigger bites! Your body had been through hell this summer! Ahahahhahaha

    • Yup, I'm hoping that three's a charm… that all the biting things are done? Course I might be in the ocean this weekend…. I better watch out!!!

  • what a funny kid!Chiggers,ahaha

  • such a great story! loved it. And yes you. are. awesome. We went to our local water park this summer and I refused to go on any slide. Hubby had to go on all of them with the kids while I hung out in the 2 foot deep kiddie pool with my 3 year old!

    • I had refused a few times before, and I was younger then! I honestly don't know what made me want to go on… but I did… and I LIVED TOO!!! ha ha!

  • AUUGHH! I have heard the word chigger before but never really knew what it was. I have Googled it and now I feel the need to purchase a huge gallon of Listerine just in case.

  • Great job.Thanks for your post. Thanks a lot.

  • thank you for posting . please do more good article.i like it so much .I will always follow it.

  • Ok, just wrote two words and then decided to log into twitter and accidently posted just those two words. I was trying to say I've never even heard the word chiggers before. They sound cute though. Are they furry?

    • Oh no no no… not furry at all… that would be a GOOD thing! They are so tiny you can't see them. The myth is they dig into your skin causing a horrible itch… but actually they bite you which results in the terrible itching… they are not fun! 🙂

  • Mat Hay31

    These things bring some thrill and excitement in life. Apart from it you spent good time with your family. Thanks for sharing your experience.

    • Hope you come back to read again… thanks for the comment Mat!

  • yuani

    nice and very happy spent our time with family..

  • yuani

    a very pleasant holiday, together with the family.

  • A very nice holiday. Wish I could have one instead of working my ass off. Thanks for sharing!

  • I had never heard of Chiggers before I had to go look them up, they sure don’t look like fun.

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