My Quest To Pay Off The Quest While Giving A Little Credit To Myself

Published on Tuesday, November 3, 2009 by Katherine

5 Comments ↓

Three months ago I noticed I only had two more slips in my car payment book.  Had it been that long?  1, 2, 3, 4, 5.  Yes!  FIVE YEARS!  My car was just about paid off, and not a moment too soon.

Last week was the final payment.  This meant I would have $370 more a month in my pocket.  What a godsend.  No more worry about how to pay for groceries every other week.  It was going to be just enough to help ease some of that amazing tightness.

I made a big “to do” when I put it in the mailbox.  The kids and I cheered.  I was absolutely overjoyed.

THEN…. last night, on top of my very-bad-no-good-day, I found an envelope from good ‘ol Suntrust Bank in my mailbox.  But it was not my “suitable for framing” car title.  It was ONE MORE BOOK WITH A YEAR’S WORTH OF CAR PAYMENTS IN IT.

I think I stopped breathing for a moment.  How could I have miscalculated?  My book was EMPTY!  It had been five years!  And then the realization hit.  It was a six year loan.  They just hadn’t printed up all the slips.

I sat down and cried.  It was just too good to be true.

As always, I called my poor mother with my “not always great news.”  She has the burden of not only being my mother, but my best friend as well.  Her response?  “How could you NOT KNOW!?”  I blurted out, “You raised an IDIOT, Mom.  An absolutely stupid IDIOT.  You should know that by now!”

An hour or so later, I really started to think about what I had said.  Am I really an idiot?  Honestly?  My heart knew the answer.  No.  NO WAY.  I have to work full time, raise three kids and keep a house.  I am in charge of it all.  I do homework time, prescription refills, uniforms, sports schedules, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, clothes shopping, permission slip signing, pick ups, drop offs, working out, website writing for extra income, cleaning, calendar keeping, hugging, reading, fussing, supporting, doctoring, tax preparing, physicals, school wakeups, medicine and vitamin dispensing, scout patch sewing, required school volunteering, constant weekend chauffeuring, miscellaneous child sports spectating, grocery shopping, schedule juggling (pant pant pant)… need I go on?  And on top of this, I have to constantly deal with my gastroparesis, which renders me exhausted and sick half the time on a GOOD day.

So Mom, I take it back.  You did not raise an idiot.  Things are going to slip by me.  Even important things.  But for every one thing that gets by, about a hundred don’t.  I am amazed I am still standing by the end of most days.

I am too hard on myself.  Far too critical at times.  I need to give myself more credit… more pats on the back for a job well done.

Are you critical of yourself?  Or do you allow yourself to stop and appreciate your job well done?