The Secret To Longevity « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Secret To Longevity

The Secret To Longevity
Published on Thursday, February 3, 2011 by


I think Keith Richards has an inside scoop on the secret to longevity.  As did George Burns, God rest his soul.  The answer to it all?  Smoking and Booze.  That, my friends, is the key to living long and large.  At least that is my theory.

Because over the last year or so I have lost 35 pounds.  I have taken red meat out of my diet and I stick to healthy, wholesome meals.  I exercise regularly and attempt to sell tickets to my gun show around the house.  No takers yet.

On the weekends I allow for treats, but on the whole I am getting healthier as each day passes.  I am fighting my gastroparesis monster every day.  The monster that turns vegetables in to pain.  The monster that brings about extreme nausea after eating foods that were once thought safe.  The monster that just may be doing me in.

Monday was my annual physical.  I was excited to see where I was at.  You lose weight, you exercise, you get a good report card, yes?


Upon leaving the doctor’s office looking like a deer in the headlights, I now have a bulleted list of things that are NOT GOOD.

  • I am anemic.
  • My thyroid stimulating hormone is high.
  • My glucose is high.
  • I need to get an ultrasound on my heart, to “check out the whooshing sound” that used to be a common, non-threatening heart murmur.

Really?  REALLY?!!

Lately everything has been a chore.  Getting through the day is difficult, to say the least.  And now I know why.  If you are anemic, you will feel bad.  If you have a bad thyroid level, you will feel bad.  If you have over the top blood sugar, you will feel bad.  I have all three.  And don’t forget that whooshing sound!

So this weekend, look out.  I plan to party Keith Richards style.  I’m gonna get some Jack and a box of stogies.  Then I’ll throw on some spandex, stand on the couch and do the Keith Richards Monkey Dance to Jumpin’ Jack Flash.  Because right now, time is not on my side.

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