Jillian Michaels, Take Me Away! « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowJillian Michaels, Take Me Away!

Jillian Michaels, Take Me Away!
Published on Monday, October 19, 2009 by

jillian michaels master your metabolismI can remember the last book I actually sat down to read.  It was 17 years ago and I was on the beach, pregnant with my first child.  I love reading, but just don’t have the time with three children.  I figure I’ll catch up when I’m old and gray.  (OK, older and grayer)

This record was broken Saturday, when I closed the Jillian Michaels book, “Master your Metabolism.”  Yes, it took many short sessions of reading, including moments when my daughter was in gymnastics and I had nothing else to do – but I actually read a book cover to cover.  That shows just how good the book was.

My review is on Agoosa, but I’ll tell you this much – Jillian is one smart cookie.  No, wait.  She is one smart organic red tomato.  (She would prefer that term over the cookie for sure.)  Jillian talks about her meetings with endocrinologists and about how hormones play a huge roll in your metabolism.  She also discusses organic foods and the pesticides and dangerous food additives found in non-organics.  After reading two chapters of this book I went to a local organic food store.  She is that convincing.

But I need Jillian Michaels.  I really REALLY need her.  Do you think she would come for a visit?  Here is my problem.  Jillian strongly believes in you “breaking your fast” within one hour of waking up.  With my gastroparesis, that is an impossibility.  I am simply too sick.  I’m not able to get anything in to my stomach until about 9:00 – and even then it is a cup of yogurt.  Since reading her book I’ve added natural hemp hearts and flax seed to the mix, giving me more protein, energy and omega oils – a good thing indeed.

My second major roadblock is domperidone.  I can’t eat solid food without taking a pill I have to order online from Brazil.  Domperidone actually makes my stomach begin to digest, keeping me from intense pain and unbearable nausea.  Without this medication I CANNOT EAT FOOD.

Here’s the catch.  One of the side effects of this medication is lactation!  I don’t have that problem, but if you think about it, my hormones are way off balance from these pills.  If it can make you lactate, there are CERTAINLY hormones being twisted and turned around in my body.  Jillian Michaels, take me away – to your endocrinologist!!

So I need Jillian Michaels.  Somehow I think she could help me to lose this gastroparesis weight that just won’t come off no matter how much working out I do.  Before I developed gastroparesis I could actually see a six four pack after a month of working out!  I sure would like to see them again.  I can picture her now, kneeling down and screaming in to my stomach, “YOU WILL DIGEST!! NO MORE HOLDING FOOD IN THERE!!  I WILL MAKE YOU DIGEST NOW!!”

I also have a theory about my gastroparesis.  The doctors can’t figure out why I have it.  After reading this book, I really question how much the environment and pharmaceuticals might play a part!  All the decongestants I’ve downed.  All the food additives I’ve eaten.  Who knows.

So if you happen to see Jillian Michaels at your local Walmart <snort>, will you please let her know I need her number?

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