Jesus Take The Wheel « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowJesus Take The Wheel

Jesus Take The Wheel
Published on Friday, June 24, 2011 by

Two years ago my first son decided he was ready to take the test to get his learner’s permit.  I never saw him study.  He failed.  A few months later he said he was ready again.  I saw him study for a few days.  He failed.  Did you know that if you get one sign wrong, you fail?  Did you know the Slippery When Wet sign looks very similar to the Curved Road Ahead sign?  Or so he said.

slippery when wet

As we were leaving the second time around a DMV employee called him back.  “You know that if you fail one more time you will have to take a course…”  Fast forward two years time, when my second son turns 15 years and six months.  Both boys began to study.  A lot.

So there we were.  The first trip to the DMV with my middle son and the THIRD trip to the DMV with my first son.  Both boys went back for testing.  I could only see the tops of their heads.   My first son finally walked away from the machine.  I glared at him, waiting.  His eyes glanced towards me and his mouth turned in to a huge, Cheshire cat grin.  Holy hat, he did it.

For those of you who don’t know my middle son, this post will explain it all.  Half way through the test, I see him raise his hand.  THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE GOOD.  A DMV employee walked over to him, spoke a few words and walked away.  He remained in place, continuing the test.  And continuing.  And continuing.  And then he turned towards me and smiled.  Holy hat, he did it.  THE FIRST TIME.  I never doubted it for a second.

And then it hit me.  I had two teenage boys getting their learner’s permits on the very same day.  OH EM GEE.

scary driving

That was two weeks ago.  During this time I have compiled a list of handy driving tips I plan to pass along to the boys this weekend:


  1. We are not in England.  Please drive on the right side of the road.
  2. Do not hug the right side of the road, swerve to the left to drive around a parked car, and then nearly clip the parked car as you attempt to hug the road again.  There is something called space that you are allowed to leave between your car and any object you happen to see nearby.
  3. When the car is already on, do not turn the key to the right.  You will hear a very loud screech.  And the car will make a noise too.
  4. If the car is already on and you have turned the key to the right and heard both me and the car make a very loud noise (Yes, the car is ALREADY ON), do not turn it to the right AGAIN.  It really is already on, I promise.
  5. The only reason my right hand is gripping the side of the car is because I like my car so much.  I am completely relaxed.  Don’t worry about me, just pay attention to the road.
  6. If you are in the middle of the road and say aloud, “Oh snap.  Where is the gas pedal again,” do not be surprised if you hear me question whether you should be behind the wheel or not.  I’m just sayin’.
  7. I love your vibrant and often surprising personality.  Please… just don’t drive like your personality.
  8. If we see someone walking on the sidewalk towards us as you are backing out of the driveway, please stop and let the person pass.  “Oh, it’s just Alex,” is not an acceptable retort as you continue to send the car backwards.  I think Alex’s mom would agree with me there.
  9. When you finally talk your grandmother in to letting you drive her car down the street, try not to clip the rich lady’s mailbox with grandma’s passenger mirror as you pull to the side of the road.  Grandma loves her passenger side mirror, and the rich lady probably likes her mailbox too.
  10. Please, both of you, please.  Drive safely.  Do not text while driving.  Do not goof around with your friends while driving.  Do not forget to look out for children and dogs running in to the street.  Watch out for other cars.  Do not drink and drive.  Always wear your seatbelt.  Never go above the speed limit.  It is better to wait then to zip your car through an intersection.  Watch out for poor road conditions.  And always, ALWAYS come home safely.  PLEASE.  COME HOME SAFELY.

Jesus, won’t you take the wheel?

Have you had to teach someone to drive?  Do you have any funny stories, horror stories or advice?!

mom blog

  • I have a bunch of horror stores, but nothing funny.  My son got his license the first time out, but after that it went downhill.

    Have a terrific day and may God bless you and then.   🙂

    • We certainly need the blessings! My friend has a son that used to drive horribly… SO FAST. She decided she could make a million bucks by putting a bumper sticker on his car that says, “How is my driving? Call 1-900…”

  • No horror stories to share….yet! Mind you, there can’t be horror stories if I never give him the keys…


  • I’ve white-knuckled the arm rest many times when taking my son out for a drive with his learner’s permit.  He failed the written test twice but passed the road test the first time. I think your advice about keeping space between the car and a passing object is a good. When driving with my son, there’s either too much space or not enough space. At least, we were still traveling on solid ground.

  • I loved them all, but my favorite was number ten.

    Especially after long trips, my kids still call me to say they are home “safe and sound.” I love that!

    • BTW, that was my baby boy, Kevin, you saw on my last post. He’s 25. He has 3 older sisters.

  • Ron

    First, I huge CONGRATS to your middle son for passing the first time!!

    Like your first son, I failed my drivers test the first time. I drove over the white lines in the middle of the road – oops!

    Love your ten driving tips.

    #7. I love your vibrant and often surprising personality.  Please… just don’t drive like your personality.


    And #10 was  flawless!

  • My son (now 18) studied for ten minutes and then took the exam and PASSED! He always pulls off stuff like that. My daughter just turned 16 last week and cannot wait to take her driving class. I find the key to teaching her to drive is xanax (for me).

    • HA HA! Yup… it can rattle your bones teaching someone to drive…. you don’t want to badger them and yet you HAVE to give them tips… (Ummm maybe you should have STOPPED at that stop sign…) OK maybe not THAT bad… but it is SCARY!

  • I feel your pain. I have two sixteen year old boys. LOL. I’m following by email subscription. No GFC here?

    • Lisa, help me…. what is GFC? I’m embarrassed to ask! 🙂

  • Ape2016

    I love #8!!  When I was 16, my dad, ever the penny pincher, learned that (at that time anyway), I didn’t have to get a permit first to get a license, if I could pass both the written and driver’s test (without any driving experience).  He said, “You can do this.” and I did pass, though I seriously did not know how to really drive and had to teach myself after getting my license on old, dirt back roads.  Crazy!

    • Oh my goodness! That is wild! But it shows that you are a real go-getter… you had to do something and you did it! Now you have to do behind the wheel (expensive!) AND do all kinds of hours of driving AND the test… considering how teens are today, that is good, but it IS a lot. I bet you rock at driving now!

  • Your thoughts made me laugh.  I remember learning to drive.  I thought I was so good at it.  The idea of my kids learning scares the heck out of me.  I can’t believe you had 2 boys pass on the same day.  Do they fight over who gets to drive?

  • Oh snap! I’m DREADING the day my son starts to drive!

    Very funny list!!

  • Abdulwahab66786

    Its a great post.i wii definately share it with my friends.

  • Tip, There is a t least one insurance company that will send you a device which will help you monitor driving. Also, Hyundai is coming out with something called Blue-Link.  Blue link will let you know where your child is.  Let you know if they’ve gone over your pre-set speed limit, and let you know if your child has left your pre-set boundary amount offer useful features for you.  Trying not to make a commercial out of it for Hyundai so I’ll keep that part short.

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