Invisilifts: A Woman’s Only Hope For Perkiness « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowInvisilifts: A Woman’s Only Hope For Perkiness

Invisilifts: A Woman’s Only Hope For Perkiness
Published on Saturday, February 20, 2010 by

Ladies, come close and listen up.  I’ve found the product of my dreams.  The answer to my prayers.  The lift to my drop.  <queuing music and voice echo application>  For I have seen the Invisilifts Commercial   </queueing music and voice echo application>.

Imagine me at 2 in the morning, womanly parts happily sitting on my lap.  And then the Invisilifts infomercial comes on.   Images of saggy women whose chests magically lift to their chins start flashing before my eyes.  They can GO that high?  Who knew that once you have a perfect lift, your stomach and back will lose all signs of bulges.  A bonus!

And guess what else?  They come with PASTIES.  Little mini pads that stick smack dab in the middle of your new, happy real estate.  Smooth doesn’t even begin to describe your new cantaloupe look.

My mind began racing.  Simply peel off the backing, stick ‘em on and then BLOOP – up they go!   (I can only imagine the sound would be BLOOP.)

But let’s not stop there.  Let’s go all the way, shall we?  My rear end parts are screaming for Invisilifts.  Peel, slap on, BLOOP!  BLOOP!  (That’s one for each cheek.)

OK, so I am perky in front and perky in back.  How about my belly?  Maybe I need to connect a few of those suckers and stick them above the bikini line.  BLOOOOOOP!

Slowly, I am becoming unable to breath.  Yet I can’t stop.  Two to the side of the face.  Peel. Stick. Bloop Bloop.  Ish hard tawk wike dis.

The final result?  I am tight.  I am lifted.  I am… I am… in pain!  Oh PLEASE tell me they sell Invisilifts removal cream.  PLEASE.  Breathe and rip.  Breathe Breathe BREATHE!  Ignore the blood.   The skin will regenerate, won’t it?

mom blog

  • Having nursed 2 children, I could totally get into invisi*lift. Although I think I would be less likely to have the rip and more likely to have the failed adhesive. I would leave a trail of invisi*lift wherever I went.

  • When I was younger I was a 38D… now I am a 36 long… but you say that with just a little dict tape and pasties I can have back the body of my youth???

    Please tell me that comes for only $19.99 but if I act now they will throw in a second set at no additional cost (I just pay the processing, shipping, handling and fondling charges) and ther’s more… if I agree to tell a friend they will cut the price in half… so that is two complete sets of invisolifts for only $9.99! BUT WAIT!!! If I order now they will include (just because I am so nice) a can of their all new spray on abs and cleavage! Don’t have the muscles? Want that sexy cleavage? No problem! Just use the handy dandy template and you will have the six pack and cleavage of China while she was still wrestling.

    What… I should call now? Operators are waiting? And look, there is a clock counting down!!! If I do not call I will never have any of this!!!

  • OMG! I am way too chicken to try these out for fear of NOT being able to remove them!

  • Well, shoot! See what I miss not having a TV? I need some of that “bloop” in MY life. I wonder if they make an “industrial strength?

  • This is exactly why I’m not allowed to watch infomercials, especially in the middle of the night! I would’ve been smashing the buttons on my phone to dial that number and get those delivered as fast as I could!

  • I could use a little BLOOP in my life!

  • Jen

    I could use a set or four of those too. Damn kids! I’d be too afraid to try them for the getting them off fear. Of course they could always market it as a lifter and a hair removal product. Yeah, those little hairs that arrived with each pregnancy didn’t go away the last time. Another thing they never tell you in those books.

  • LOL @ Jen!

  • What’s not disclosed is that Before & After Woman in the green tank doesn’t use Invisilift, that’s just how she’s built.

    These automatically generated ads here crack me up. There’s one for Brazil Butt Lift.

    I get all my wisdom from Shoot Me Now. Thanks for visiting and commenting on Small & Big.

  • Too funny. But after breastfeeding I totally get it.

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