If You Could Only See… « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowIf You Could Only See…

If You Could Only See…
Published on Monday, June 28, 2010 by

Orange Moon

If you could only see this moon.  Full with a deep orange hue, slowly rising over the dark ocean water.

Just a few days ago I was at home crying, overwhelmed at just how out of control things have gotten.  At how I am so behind on bills that I know I will never catch up.  At how I am driving a dangerous car, at how I can’t afford to send my kids to Catholic school anymore, and at how the bill collectors are memorizing my number as we speak.  At how I need $1,500.  FAST.

At how my house is so beat up that I can’t stand living in it anymore, much less having other people over.  I miss inviting friends for a home-grilled summer dinner.  I miss being proud of my house.  I hate the fact that I can’t even buy a can of paint.

At how my children have no clothes that fit.  At how simply buying a bag of socks for one of them is a huge triumph.  At how my clothes are faded and worn, my hair is horrendous because I can’t pay to get it cut and at how every pair of socks I own have holes in the toes.

At how my dog was dying in front of me, unable to eat or drink – and at how the vet wants to run tests that I can’t afford.  At how I may have to make a very hard decision very soon.   And at how this all happened the day before we all left for vacation at the beach house.

I had not slept for a week.

So here I am in Corolla.  It’s Sunday and I am blessed to have four more full days here before leaving Friday night.  I’ve got my children with me, my mother, her cousin, my brother and his two wonderful girls.  It’s a full house alright.

For now, pain pills are allowing my dog to eat and walk again, if not with a little spring in her step.  The time away from tree pollen and grass is a blessing.  As is the view of her sitting on the deck literally smiling as the breeze blows back her sweet soft ears.

And I am temporarily away from THE BAD.  Every once in a while the thoughts creep back in to my head.  When they do, I immediately run them out by breathing in a chest full of salty air.  I grab my daughter’s hand and in to the amazingly clear and beautiful ocean we run.

How lucky I am to have three healthy children, a wonderful family and an escape that is about as close to heaven as you can get.  My daughter and I have literally thanked God out loud daily for the warm waters, the white sand and the glorious sunshine.

I am officially on my escape.  And it could not have come a moment too soon.  Briefly I was disappointed that I was starting a vacation with so much on my back.  But then I realized this is probably exactly when it needed to be.

So I plan to embrace every day.  Every hour.  Every minute.  Every second.  And I’m going to hold this time close to my heart for as long as I possibly can.

If you could only see this moon.  Full with a deep orange hue, slowly rising over the dark ocean water.

Corolla Orange Moon from shootmenowblog on Vimeo.

mom blog

Subscribe to our RSS feed and get site updates delivered immediately.
Let’s Network!