I am a Magnet for Gross

Published on Saturday, January 17, 2009 by Katherine

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Tonight my daughter asked for a bowl of ice cream and I was happy to oblige.  I don’t eat sweets during the week, but on the weekends I allow myself a little treat.  As I was scooping it for her, I took a snitch or two on the side.  Was that a hair?  No, couldn’t be.  

But then as I raised the creamy, ever-so-wonderful treat to my lips, I felt the touch of a hair.  I managed to miss putting it in my mouth <this time> but it still touched me.  Was it my son’s?  My daughter’s?  Or… the unthinkable… was it a stranger’s from the ice cream factory?  Let’s NOT even go there. 

Ever since I was little, I seemed to be the one who found something foreign in my food.  I am a magnet for non-food items in my meals.  I could have been a main character in The Jungle. 

Some classics my family enjoys recalling during yearly get-togethers?  (Did you notice I said “my family” rather than myself?)  The Outer Banks – Pancake House – Corned Beef Hash… FINGERNAIL.  I am NOT kidding.

Then there was the wonderful Christmas where I gave my brother a set of awesome old Tiki mugs.  He made a large batch of Pina Coladas and filled each Tiki to the top.  The mugs were ceremoniously passed out, with me last in line (but certainly not least). 

As I raised my glass to my lips, I caught a glimpse of something dark floating in the icy concoction.  A giant dead cricket, antennas still intact.  I must have missed washing out this mug, and my brother certainly hadn’t washed them before making the drinks.  Jiminy Cricket had traveled from the antique store to the Christmas gift to my waiting mouth.  What are the odds? 

And finally, the worst.  I am scarred for life from this one.  Truly.  I was in college, dining in the cafeteria.  Hamburgers.  I brought the burger to my mouth, took a big bite, pulled the burger back and felt resistance.  

There in front of me was my burger, with a long black hair cooked into it.  The hair was still lodged in the burger, ran up to my mouth, where it also remained in the piece of burger I had bitten off.  Remember, this piece was still in my mouth.  I managed not to release my stomach’s contents, but just barely. 

Like I said – I am a magnet for things that should NOT be in food items. 

What is the grossest thing you have ever found in your food?