The Entire Motley Crew « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowThe Entire Motley Crew

The Entire Motley Crew
Published on Wednesday, February 26, 2014 by

Day 26 of the WWFC writing challenge gives us the subject, “Naked and Lost.”

Ok everyone, this post comes with a disclaimer.  First of all, it is the longest post I have EVER written.  Be sure you have a little time if you stay.  Secondly, I forget EVERYTHING.  I mean EVERYTHING.  I almost didn’t do this, so afraid I would forget someone who has participated in this challenge.  So I need you to make me a promise.  If you have participated in the WWFC writing challenge and I don’t mention you, LET ME KNOW.  If I left you out, it was completely by accident and I will make amends by including you in my next post.  PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE you’ll tell me I forgot you in a comment or don’t read on.  Again, I am SO SORRY if I left someone out!  But this just seemed too fun to pass up… so here we go!  (Oh and Ron… you KNOW I had to include you…!)

All I can say is, you can’t make this stuff up.  My blog is named Shoot Me Now for a reason.  If someone is going to embarrass him or herself, it will be me.

But let’s start from the beginning.  I was thrilled to be able to finally meet them all.  The recent participants of the We Work for Cheese writing challenge.  Was I really going to be able to see them in person?!?!  I was nervous and excited beyond belief.

First to greet me at the door of the rented conference room was MikeWJ.  Always the gentleman, he connected his arm on to mine and walked me in to the crowd.  Dufus shook my hand and said, “Pleased to meet me!”  Always the joker, that Dufus!  Interestingly, there were no scars from where he hung on that fence.

I noticed Shawn in the corner, sucking on a cat’s head.  I called over, “Shawn, that isn’t a chicken!”  Mariann had her face in her phone, watching the Olympics on her TV app.  How could you blame her?  Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski had matched lipstick that day!’

Linda R. was giving good advice to Laughing Mom, who had just asked, “Where’s the funny here?”  Linda is ALWAYS full of good advice.  Laughing Mom had a bowl of peanuts with her.  She raised it up and asked, “Does anybody want a peanut?”  Knowing Princess Bride, I had to laugh.  Speaking of peanuts, there was Malisa, popping peanuts in to Coke.  She handed the bag to Cooter who did the same for himself.

Linda M. crossed the room when she saw me.  She had a glass of good wine in one hand and a pair of thigh high stockings in the other.  “Damn these things, I swore I would never wear them!”  Tossing them to MikeWJ, she said, “Come on Katherine, we have some partying to do!”  MikeWJ turned red as he pulled them off of his face.  I didn’t notice that he stuffed them in his pocket.

Then there was Frank L.M., who was obviously in his own world.  I nudged him as I went by, saying, “Frank, you don’t have to think so much about things!”  Of course if I thought a bit more about things, perhaps my soon to be downfall would not have happened.  And was that a smiling demon next to him?

“Boom Boom!”  There she was, in all her glory!  “Boom Boom I am so happy to meet you!”  I gave her a big hug and when I did, I swear I heard a cat meow.  Hmmm… she is supposed to be a crazy cat lady WITHOUT the cats!  Later she would see I snuck the original Fake Barbie into her pocket, right next to the cat she was hiding.  I knew she would give FB a better home.

Linda M. smiled as she led me to Tami VZ.  “Katherine, you recognize Tami, don’t you?”  Of course I did, and I tell you what… Tami was ROCKING that Barbie cowboy hat.  She always finds the COOLEST THINGS!

P.J. came directly to us with a camera around his neck.  “Hey girls!  This month’s photo challenge theme is ‘nothing but class.’  Can I take your picture?”  Happily, I stepped aside.  Because ain’t NOBODY got more class than Linda M.!  Seeing Jayne a few steps away, I gave P.J. hug and a high five.  “P.J., nobody does more regular posts than you.  I am in awe!”

When I made it to Jayne I got to my knees and fell prostrate on the floor.  Jayne tapped my shoulder and said, “Katherine, there is NO NEED!”  “But Jayne!  You got rid of your STUFF!  You are smart!  And you can ride a horse!”  “You could do all that too… I believe in you!”  Yup, Jayne was exactly what I expected!

Nathanael stepped towards us with two drinks in hand.  A gentleman, through and through.  “Nathanael, I wish I had your writing talent and gift to see the good in so much.”  Nathanael smiled and whispered, “Have faith… that’s all you need!”

Hearing a strange noise behind me, I turned to see Margaret with two goats on a leash.  I screamed, “MARGARET!”  Suddenly, both her goats fell to the ground.  “AH HA HA you brought some fainting goats!”  Yup, Margaret always knows how to make things fun.

Margaret was next to KZ Prosaic who actually appeared… well, kind of a shade of gray!  “No way!  He really is gray!”  But then a beautiful woman with the nametag “Diana” put her hand on his shoulder.  He immediately turned from gray to a rainbow of color.  She always did that to him.

Reforming Geek took me by the arm and smiled.  She was always a good southern gal!  Walking me towards Evil Twin, she whispered, “Don’t believe a word Evil Twin says!”  I noticed a mermaid tattoo on her back.  “Evil Twin made me do it!”  (OK she really didn’t have a mermaid tattoo on her… I just pictured her that way!)

LaughingDaughter, TateD and Vlad were off in a corner looking much more fresh than a few of us.  They were the smart ones… they chose when they would post and emerged unscathed, much unlike several of us!   If only I had their wisdom!   I was about to approach them when my eye caught one of the hosts of this challenge.

Cheesy Mike was over at the cheese table, of course.  I think he was hiding from Nicky, expecting her to force another blog post out of him.  He had recently had enough of social media, especially after his boss tried to friend him on Facebook.  Next to him was the amazing Lauren.  She was doing exactly what I expected… thinking and spinning!  I think the cold weather was making her nuts.  It is no secret she hates the cold!

I politely excused myself when I saw the very Ms. Darkstar.  Racing to her, I shoved my last twenty at her and begged, “Bath bombs!  I need more bath bombs!”  Being as awesome as she is, Ms. Darkstar handed me a bag and said, “Your money isn’t good here.  Enjoy them and tell your friends where they can get some!”  I tell you what, she can make some amazing products.

Smiling, I turned and almost bumped in to… oh no.  Could it be?  It was ZIVA.  THE ZIVA.  She was posing for the equally fantastic Cheryl D.  “I am not worthy to be in the presence of such amazing women!” I blurted.  Laughing, Cheryl D. gave me a huge hug and handed me something.  Looking down, I saw what must be the most beautiful piece of sea glass I have ever laid eyes on.  “I got it on one of my shoots and thought of you.  Enjoy!”  Cheryl really is a keeper.

Ziva smiled and I caught my breath.  Everyone was right… she had the most amazing hair of anyone in the room.  “Z… Z… Zi…”  “You can say it Katherine… ZEEEEVAAAAAA”  I mouthed, “Ziva” as she handed me a bottle of hair conditioner.  “Here you go, honey.  Now you can have hair a tiny bit like mine!”  She walked away, hips swaying just like I knew they would.

But where does the embarrassment come in, oh so many paragraphs above this?  Alright, I will cut to the chase.  I had wanted to impress Nicky most of all, so I very unwisely had purchased a pair of high heels.  They were a whole three inches tall.  Hey, don’t judge… three inches is big for me!

I saw Nicky by the cheese ice sculpture, wearing heels that would make Beyonce blush.  I stood up straight, took a deep breath and walked towards our hostess.  “Nicky!  It’s me!  Nicky!”  Sadly, I shouldn’t have tried to walk in heels and talk at the same time.  Because the minute I reached her I tumbled.  No, not just tumbled, I tumbled and rolled, catching my dress on the tip of the monstrous frozen cheese sculpture.

And that is when I heard the rip.  Off went my dress and out I went, racing through the exit door.  It took me a minute to realize I had even scraped my cheek.  I ran through the halls, stumbled up the steps and quickly found myself completely naked and lost.  My tears were about to fall when the cavalry arrived.  There, in front of me was Meleah and her guest Ron from Triloquist!

Seeing I was mortified, Meleah immediately took charge.  “Ron, give her your coat!”  Dutifully, Ron tossed me his jacket while casting his eyes down until I was covered.  “Oh my gosh guys, I am SO GLAD it was you two…. I would have died if it was anyone else!”

I gave them both hugs and smiled when Ron said, “You know, I can sell you something for that dry skin, girlfriend!”  “Oh Ron, go put a french fry up your nose!”  Meleah snorted and the three of us walked arm in arm towards the lobby.

“You know Ron and Mel, I have been waiting to hang with you guys for a long time.  You wanna go cause some trouble?”  Ron broke out his camera and Meleah replied for the both, “I am SOFA KING ready…let’s go!”

ron, meleah and katherine bloggers

mom blog

  • Oh this was fun! Now I’m just going to wait to see who makes the first sexually explicit reference to your ‘3 inches is big for me’ bobble. (I laughed out loud when I read that Ziva handed you a bottle of hair conditioner.)

    • Ummm Cheryl… seems YOU are the one who made a sexually explicit reference to my not being able to handle three inches HAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

      • Had to make sure you were paying attention. 😀

  • BAhHAHhAHhAHhHAhAHAH!!! OMG!!! Katherine!!!! BRAVO, GIRL! BRAVO!

    You are SOFA KING funny! I love you!

  • ReformingGeek

    That was awesome!

    I love all of it, especially the cheese ice sculpture, Margaret’s goats, Boom Boom’s cat, and my mermaid tattoo. Hm….maybe I should……

    • I want to get one before I die… maybe we can do it together!

  • Ron

    Bwahahhahahahahahaha!
    Bwhahahahhahahahahah!

    Katherine, I am PEEING my pants right now! OMG…this was brilliantly HILARIOUS, girl!

    So are so freaking CLEVER!

    And that photo? PRICELESS!

    Bwhahahahhahahahaha!

    Thank you so much for including me in this.

    ((((((((((((( You )))))))))))

    X ya bunches!

    • Ron how could I NOT include you!!!!! You HAD to be there!!! 🙂

  • Wow, Katherine that was wonderful. I think you got us all covered, and most importantly, got you covered. Awesome job with the photo, too.

  • All of us? In the same room? My God woman are you nuts?

  • What a lark! Loved it….

  • Oh my god, Katherine, this was amazing! Margaret’s goats were absolutely priceless, and the conditioner comment was hilarious. However did you come up with all of this? I love it.

    • Margaret hasn’t seen this either… I wanted to see what she said!!! And what conditioner DO you use!!!

  • MalisaHargrove

    What a fun reunion that was! You might have remarked how young and slim I looked. 🙂 I think you did an excellent job of capturing everyone’s personality. Just one question. Did you drink the whole bottle of vodka?

    • I dropped the vodka when I fell… AHHHH! And Malisa, I didn’t mention how young and slip you are because everybody already knows that! XXOO

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    With this 1,000,000-word post, you have successfully matriculated from the MikeWJ school of blog writing. I may never finish reading it in it’s entirety. But I particularly enjoyed how you turned P.J. into a woman, and somehow managed to notice that I’d pocketed Linda’s stockings (thank you, Linda, how sweet of you to think of me and my predilections) without noticing that I’d stuffed them into my pocket. And of course I can’t but wonder what mischief you and Ron and Meleah got up to…

    It would be fun for all of us to actually meet, wouldn’t it? The girls could all have fun braiding and combing Ziva’s hair, and the boys could all have fun watching all the girls combing and braiding Ziva’s hair.

    • Oh crap I screwed up on PJ!?!? Dammit!!! I HAD THE STOMACH FLU FOR THREE DAYS!!!!!!! Ahhhhhh!!!! THAT IS MY EXCUSE! See I knew I would get something messed up. But do I get points for trying? So Mike… Have I officially written a longer post than any of yours???

      • mikewjattoomanymornings

        I’m not sure that’s possible. Ask Nicky, she keeps track of these things and criticizes me regularly for them.

        Oh, just curious: I get that your dress ripped off, but why weren’t you wearing a slip or any underwear? What kind of party were you expecting, and just how were you raised, anyway?

    • Ok MikeWJ…. One word… ONE FREAKING WORD…. Ha ha ha!!! All fixed. PJ will forgive me… He likes craft beers!!!

  • Katherine, this was hysterically funny! You nailed it! This was gold medal stuff!

  • KZ

    That was a marvelous love letter to all of our February challenge participants. Awesome, entertaining post today Katherine. It was an honor just to receive mention in all of my grayed out monotone glory.

  • Oh Katherine, this was amazing! But silly girl, you already impress me… plus, I don’t know if you remember, but I totally face-planted on Madison Ave. in my zombie heels when I met Ziva. So much for my Beyonce-like stature! 🙂

  • This post was really the Bomb! (*wink) Well done, Katherine!

  • Cadeaux

    I WISH I had a phone I could watch things on…it’s like over eight years old! ROFL

  • You may have foisted fake Barbie onto me, but wait until you see what I slipped into your pocket, my dear! (Hint: Better pick up some more kitty litter on the way home.) Love ya!

  • OMG..that was incredible. I can’t imagine how long that would take to get put all the challengers listed and insert the appropriate “tie ins” into dialogue. Very cool.

  • Wow! What a roomful of crazies! 🙂

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