Many of you are aware I suffer from the silent chronic illness, gastroparesis. Typically, I have good days and bad days because of my paralyzed stomach.
Over the last week, my pain and nausea have spun out of control. I am still the master of disguise to all who interact with me on a day to day basis. For many they see the smile, but when their backs are turned the pain is revealed on my face until someone looks again. And tears? Yes, I’ve had a few.
But damnit, I’m tough. (Sometimes.)
Two days ago, however, I decided tough was done. NO MORE EATING. For seven days, I had been hungry, ate and then regretted every single bite. The moment my decision was made, I stopped eating solid food.
On the first day I got through on water, but caved and ate some eggs at the end of the night. Today I actually managed two protein drinks along with my water. I felt like a dragon slayer, refusing to fuel the ugly beast inside of me. You want to cause me pain? You want to make me sick? Well you can’t. Because you have no ammunition.
So two days in to this, guess what I found out? I discovered that when you work out after a near liquid diet, you begin to pass out. And you know what else? You get heart palpitations.
But I found out something else. I am driven. I refused to give in. When I began to feel light headed, I simply stopped for a bit and then got right back to work. When my heart started to flippy-floppy, I pushed just the tiniest bit more before taking a break.
Smart? Nahhh. But today, I fought the dragon. And I kicked ass.