Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned

Published on Monday, February 17, 2014 by Katherine

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Day 17 of the writing challenge brings us the subject, “I faked it.”

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been two weeks since my last confession.

Go on, my child.

Well, last week I put my trash in my neighbor’s bin.  That way I didn’t have to roll out my can on Tuesday.  My neighbors didn’t have room for their own, but they don’t recycle, so that’s what you get… don’t you think?

Ahem. Ummm is there anything else?

Yes Father.  I slipped some sour milk in to Alice Smith’s chili at the cookoff.  It was time for someone else to win.  After all, she has gotten the blue ribbon three years in a row and never lets anyone forget!

Sigh.  Mrs. Flemming?

Yes!  How did you guess!  Anyway Father, I have more.  Last week I was at Food Lion and switched a price tag from the generic cheddar to the specialty one.  NO ONE should have to pay that much for cheese.  It isn’t right, so I fixed it.

But Mrs. Flemming, that really isn’t…

And then that poor Mr. Thompson and his gout.  He suffers so much.  So I made some pot brownies for him to ease the poor man of his pain.

You did what?!

Oh it’s OK Father.  He rather enjoyed them.  He has been smiling for days now.  I even saw him put an extra dollar in the collection on Sunday.

But how did you get the… the marijuana?

I got myself a medical card two months ago.  I told them about my horrible migraines and lickety-split they handed me a card.

But you don’t GET migraines, Mrs. Flemming!

I faked it.

Pinching his fingers between his eyes, Father Michael took a deep breath.  If he didn’t know any better, he might have thought he had a migraine coming on.