Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowBless Me Father, For I Have Sinned

Bless Me Father, For I Have Sinned
Published on Monday, February 17, 2014 by

Day 17 of the writing challenge brings us the subject, “I faked it.”

confessional picture

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been two weeks since my last confession.

Go on, my child.

Well, last week I put my trash in my neighbor’s bin.  That way I didn’t have to roll out my can on Tuesday.  My neighbors didn’t have room for their own, but they don’t recycle, so that’s what you get… don’t you think?

Ahem. Ummm is there anything else?

Yes Father.  I slipped some sour milk in to Alice Smith’s chili at the cookoff.  It was time for someone else to win.  After all, she has gotten the blue ribbon three years in a row and never lets anyone forget!

Sigh.  Mrs. Flemming?

Yes!  How did you guess!  Anyway Father, I have more.  Last week I was at Food Lion and switched a price tag from the generic cheddar to the specialty one.  NO ONE should have to pay that much for cheese.  It isn’t right, so I fixed it.

But Mrs. Flemming, that really isn’t…

And then that poor Mr. Thompson and his gout.  He suffers so much.  So I made some pot brownies for him to ease the poor man of his pain.

You did what?!

Oh it’s OK Father.  He rather enjoyed them.  He has been smiling for days now.  I even saw him put an extra dollar in the collection on Sunday.

But how did you get the… the marijuana?

I got myself a medical card two months ago.  I told them about my horrible migraines and lickety-split they handed me a card.

But you don’t GET migraines, Mrs. Flemming!

I faked it.

Pinching his fingers between his eyes, Father Michael took a deep breath.  If he didn’t know any better, he might have thought he had a migraine coming on.

medical marijuana shop

mom blog

  • That was great! It reminded me of when I was a kid and I faked it at confession. I always thought I never had enough sins so I made some up. Although, I never confessed that.

  • That was quite a confession, and I can only imagine the look on the priest’s face when he heard that last one. Priceless!

  • Big smile here. And I’m not faking it! 🙂 Good one, Katherine.

  • Ron

    Bwhahahahahahhahaha!
    Bwhahahahahahahhaha!

    Katherine, I have tears rolling down my face from reading this!!!

    OMG….this post ROCKS!!!

    *thunderous applause*

    Brava, Katherine!

    And it’s so ironic you mentioned confession because I was talking with someone at work who was also raised Catholic, and the two of us were trying to remember the last time we ever WENT to confession?!?!

    X

  • Hah! I don’t suppose you have any of those brownies left?

  • I don’t think there are any commandments broken here. Or any of the ten suggestions (as I call them) either.

    Whoa, I feel a migrane coming on.

  • MalisaHargrove

    I’m trying to decide how your mind went to priests and medicinal mary jane when you read the words I faked it. I truly enjoyed your voyage though. Very clever. And about that sour milk in the chili….horrid! Any milk in chili is horrid. Since you are trying some of the foods I write about, I was wondering if you had any of those brownies you could send my way?

  • Mrs. Flemming is a naughty girl but I think about 20 Hail Mary’s covers all that.

  • ReformingGeek

    I’m late to the party. I’m sure Malisa and Ziva have finished all the brownies.

    Too bad about that chilli.

    Nice job with the prompt!

  • I’m pinching my nose with my fingers right now!

  • KZ

    Sounds like Father Michael needs to do some relaxing of his own, eh?

  • This is so funny and so well done, Katherine! And I’m NOT faking it!

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