Be Warned. I Wrote About Poop. « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowBe Warned. I Wrote About Poop.

Be Warned. I Wrote About Poop.
Published on Thursday, May 5, 2011 by

dog poop sign

Last week I pulled something out of my dog’s butt.  It was outside.  In public.  You are welcome for that.

If you own a dog, I bet you’ve done the very same thing. Go ahead.  Admit it.  There will be no judgment on my end.  Or from your dog’s end, for that matter.

You see, my dog may appear to be a pure breed Dalmatian, but in fact she is part dog, goat, cow and pig.  She will eat anything that smells randomly good, which apparently included some type of plastic the night before.

To compound the situation, she poops a lot.  When I take her for a walk I have to bring at least four plastic bags with me. And sometimes, that isn’t enough.

So there I was, innocently walking my dog when she had to make a pit stop.  Fair enough.  I diverted my eyes and waited for the leash to slacken.  With my bag at the ready, I turned to the spot in question.  The empty spot.  Didn’t she just….?

I turned to see her squat walking up and down the sidewalk. Note to self:  “Add frog to her breed mix.”

I will not describe what I saw, suffice to say you could have jumped rope with it using only one person at the other end.

This is the moment when a dog owner has to make a decision.  Wait it out and hope for the best or take matters in to your own hands – literally.

I watched her crab walk a bit more until I realized it was inevitable. In a very “All Things Great and Small” moment I covered my hand with a bag, took three steps forward and pulled.

In public.

With people watching.

Adding insult to injury, the job was not completed at first go.  Indeed, I retrieved the jump rope in question, but waving and smiling at me were three long pieces of grass.  Again, you are very welcome for all of this important information.

You have babies and get what you most certainly expect.  Lots of diaper changing and projectile vomiting.  But once they are older you should be done.  There are only so many bodily functions one person should have to deal with in a lifetime.

Unless you get a dog.  Then you become James Herriot.

 

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