Three days. It takes three whole days for jewelry to pass through a Dalmatian’s digestive tract. And I know this how, you ask?
Because I rock as a Mom. Indeed, I allowed my daughter to wear my pearls to school. It was her first pair after the piercing studs. My Dad gave them to me. Yes, they are precious. But so is my daughter. And she wanted to wear them. BAD.
After school, she took the little baggy out of my jewelry box that contains my most cherished pieces of jewelry. Each piece was from my father, never to be replaced. He loved to give my mother and I beautiful things on special occasions, knowing we would not get them for ourselves. My daughter placed the pearls in the bag and set them down.
Enter: THE DOG
I knew none of this. All I heard was, “MOM! Emma has something in her mouth! GET IT!” With my dog being a stupid goat, I am used to this almost daily routine. I mumbled, “Well just give her some kind of treat to get the thing out of her mouth.”
Enter: MY SON AND A CUPCAKE
“Emmaaaaa! You WANT this cupcake, don’t you? Look at the cupcakkkeeeeee….!” But Emma was quicker than my son. In one gulp, the cupcake and the object in question were gone.
What I didn’t notice was my daughter running out of my room and in to hers. She stayed there for about thirty minutes, finally reappearing with tears in her eyes. “Mom? Mom? You are going to KILL ME!” And out came the story.
What could I do? She thought I was going to kill her. Over earrings. “Honey, you have tortured yourself more than anything I could do! Just let it go! It is just stuff. And….. It will ALL COME OUT IN THE END.” I finally got her laughing with plenty of poop jokes before sending her to bed.
Enter: THE WATCH
Following this incident, I walked with the dog every time she went outside. Poop Patrol. There is nothing pretty about it. Especially in the morning before my cup of coffee. What could be better than starting the day throwing up a little bit in your mouth? Look at it this way… everything will go up from there.
I began to receive phone calls daily. Is it out yet? Did you get it? No, not yet. But you will be the first to know.
And on the third day? Pure gold. Literally.
Enter: DIGESTED JEWELRY
(If you are one of those who wants to actually see the jewelry immediately out of the dog, click here. If you want to see the jewelry pre-cleaning so you can compare it with the after-shot, click here. If you do not care to see these, move along… quickly. And if you are one of those people who clicks, I am dying to know who you are. Because frankly, I am the one who took them. And I need to know I am not the only off-balance person in this big, scary world.)
Sundown. Mosquitoes attacking my back, ankles, face and neck. Ziplock baggies on either hand. Nose closed, with my hands buried in a pile of…. well, you can guess.
I believe everything is present and accounted for, if not shinier than before. Except for my pearls. My beautiful pearls. Now smaller, misshapen and well, brown.
YOU JUST CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP. Indeed, I present to you once again: My Life. Don’t be too jealous.