Dear Daughter… « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowDear Daughter…

Dear Daughter…
Published on Friday, February 15, 2013 by

Day 15 of the WWFC blog writing challenge asks us to write about “OR ELSE.”  OR ELSE!

ob tampon heart

My daughter doesn’t read my blog.  NONE of my children read my blog.  This is probably a good thing, or else I would be in big trouble.

However, I do hope that when my daughter nears 21, she will get a little curious and start to browse my old posts.  (“Gee, Mom has been dead and buried for HOW long now?!  I told her the Blue Flame Club was a very-bad-idea.  Didn’t she have a blog?  What was it?  Shart the Cow?  Shame me Now?  Shoot the Moon?  Shoot me Now?)

When she finally finds my blog, she may just learn what NOT to do through my many self deprecating informative posts.

For instance:

  1. After hiking, dispose of your Toastie Toes immediately.  Or else you will get them stuck to your belongings, making people think you stick sanitary pads to your handbag.
  2. If the lights come on after a power outage at work, don’t do a Spider Man.  Or else you will be laughed at openly.
  3. Don’t drop your vitamin water bottle on the floor in 7-11.  Or else it will spill everywhere, causing you to ask for the mop and bucket.  Which will then cause you to hit the light on 7-11’s ceiling and cause a giant spark.  Which will make people talk about you out loud as if you aren’t even there.
  4. Finally, never EVER put an OB tampon in the same pocket you hold your money in.  Or else you will stand in a long Tropical Smoothie line with your male co-worker and accidentally pull it out and toss it down the line of people.  This will cause everyone in line to look down at what you just threw on the floor.  And then comes the moment of truth.  Do you pick it up, or ignore?

My dear daughter, if you are reading this, you may want to dig through my posts just a bit more.  Or else you might end up just like your Mama.  And NOT in a good way.


mom blog

  • That is terribly funny. And great that you can embrace it. I always try to laugh at myself first, trying to beat everyone to the punch

  • Mel

    Hahahaha….You had me at the ‘mistaken for sanitary pads attached to the purse’! 😉

  • Well if you can’t laugh at yourself, then you can you laugh at? Well, everybody else silly!

  • Cadeaux

    I sometimes force my kids to read my blogs for “idiotness”. It’s not that I’m worried about the content…I just want the content to not to be really, really stupid. 😉

    So, yeah…maybe after I’m long gone they’ll read my stuff and wonder about me, too. 🙂

  • This is hysterical! But in truth, Katherine, I think your daughter would be pretty lucky to turn out like her Mama. 🙂

  • I can relate to the tampon story. My cat once found an unwrapped tampon, carried into the middle of my dinner party and dropped it on the floor. He’d learned that if you unwrap them there’s a toy mouse inside.

  • Haha, this is hilarious, Katherine! I think your daughter would absolutely love reading all your posts, and there is probably nothing she wants more than to turn out just like you. 🙂

  • So funny, and also an informative legacy to leave your daughter. On the other hand, there’s nothing wrong with “a chip off the old block”. I’d call it a compliment.

  • I can’t imagine any family of mine, who already doesn’t read my blog, finding it 25 years from now and wondering what the hell I was thinking at times. Great post for today’s theme!

  • I think it would be a joy for her to have some of your musings to read. Can children ever see pieces of their parents that are subtracted from their role as mom or dad. I’m not even related to you and I enjoy going back and reading your older posts. Personal blogs by their nature give us a glimpse into the writer’s personality.

  • mikewjattoomanymornings

    You are an embarrassment to your family.

    I’m proud of you.

  • KZ

    Katherine, your daughter is in for a real treat when she’s ready to discover what this blog of yours is all about. There’s a treasure trove here of amazing stories. Instance #4 in particular sounds mortifying, but hilarious.

  • Tami Von Zalez

    My kids don’t read my blog either – I have succeeded in my total embarrassment to my children-goal.

  • Ron

    No, I think if your daughter ever read your blog, she would be PROUD of her mother!

    Katherine, that tampon story and photo are HILARIOUS!!!!


  • Those OB tampons were always popping out at the most inopportune times! (My son reads my blog, so there are no surprises… and I don’t even curb my tongue. At least, not too much.)

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