Dear Daughter… « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowDear Daughter…

Dear Daughter…
Published on Friday, February 15, 2013 by

Day 15 of the WWFC blog writing challenge asks us to write about “OR ELSE.”  OR ELSE!

ob tampon heart

My daughter doesn’t read my blog.  NONE of my children read my blog.  This is probably a good thing, or else I would be in big trouble.

However, I do hope that when my daughter nears 21, she will get a little curious and start to browse my old posts.  (“Gee, Mom has been dead and buried for HOW long now?!  I told her the Blue Flame Club was a very-bad-idea.  Didn’t she have a blog?  What was it?  Shart the Cow?  Shame me Now?  Shoot the Moon?  Shoot me Now?)

When she finally finds my blog, she may just learn what NOT to do through my many self deprecating informative posts.

For instance:

  1. After hiking, dispose of your Toastie Toes immediately.  Or else you will get them stuck to your belongings, making people think you stick sanitary pads to your handbag.
  2. If the lights come on after a power outage at work, don’t do a Spider Man.  Or else you will be laughed at openly.
  3. Don’t drop your vitamin water bottle on the floor in 7-11.  Or else it will spill everywhere, causing you to ask for the mop and bucket.  Which will then cause you to hit the light on 7-11’s ceiling and cause a giant spark.  Which will make people talk about you out loud as if you aren’t even there.
  4. Finally, never EVER put an OB tampon in the same pocket you hold your money in.  Or else you will stand in a long Tropical Smoothie line with your male co-worker and accidentally pull it out and toss it down the line of people.  This will cause everyone in line to look down at what you just threw on the floor.  And then comes the moment of truth.  Do you pick it up, or ignore?

My dear daughter, if you are reading this, you may want to dig through my posts just a bit more.  Or else you might end up just like your Mama.  And NOT in a good way.


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