“What does a chef talk about for two hours?”  Do you know how many people asked me that the week before I saw Tony Bourdain speak?

“Chef?”  They didn’t get it.  Tony Bourdain is not what I define exclusively as a “chef.”  Yes, he pulled his years of blood, sweat and tears in the kitchen.  But one must see his shows, read his books, to understand Tony.  This wasn’t a Food Network star cooking up a few things in a wok.  This was TONY FREAKING BOURDAIN!

Before the show began, the audience was buzzing with excitement, fueled by the rock music piping out of the concert hall speakers.  On the stage was a single podium, which he rarely stood behind during his walks back and forth across the floor.  When Tony finally came in, pictures flashed while the audience jumped up and screamed.  This was going to be good.

Norfolk is a huge Navy town.  Tony began by thanking the Navy for getting him out of Beirut.  That went over very well.  We are also a base for PETA.  While Tony explained his similarities to PETA, including his distaste for animal testing and cruelty, he also had plenty to say about the beauty of eating meat.  Add several snarky vegetarian comments peppered with the mouth of a sailor and you’ve got an audience bursting with laughter.

So, what does Tony Bourdain do for two hours?  There are no slides.  There are no props.  It is simply him, walking back and forth across the stage telling stories, discussing food, travel and his great desire to torch the Olive Garden.  He had the audience in the palm of his hand, with everyone on the edge of their seats.

I learned many new bad words during the show.  Not so much the words, but the phrases he threw them in to. This guy can spin a decadent vulgar phrase more brilliant than Paula Dean’s teeth.

Things I learned?   Don’t dredge your sushi in a vat of soy sauce in front of the chef, and be sure to compliment him on the rice rather than the fish.  This may get you some of the prized pieces rather than the plain old Americanized fare.  And if your date eats the Uni?  Well, let’s just say you will be sure to score later, and BIG.

Despite the hysterical off-color stories, the cynical digs and the bawdy humor, Tony Bourdain still came across as grateful.  Grateful for the fame, for the financial security and the travel.  And grateful for the families across the globe who have welcomed him to their family tables.

If Tony Bourdain comes to your area, you should take the opportunity to hear him speak.  You will laugh, you will be shocked, and you will also learn a few new key phrases to use at the bar.  In the foodie world, this guy is truly a rock star.

OK, so maybe you didn’t initially ask that question.  But now you can.  Why?  Because I have the answer for you.  And the answer is YES!

I’ve been meaning to order from her ever since I read her amazing haiku.  I had asked readers to write some haiku in their comments and this was her wonderful submission:

I clicked on your ads
You can buy my bath stuff now
Cheaper than Lush is

She is creative with the pen, but is she creative with the product?  I found out this week when I tried her Lip Balm and Bath Fizzies.

The lip balm smells and tastes delicious.  Ladies, do you remember Lip Smackers?  Watermelon, Dr. Pepper… all very flavorful.  Ms. Darkstar’s are just as tasty and come in an interesting variety of flavors.

During our beach trip my lips burned to a crisp.  Darkstarian lip balm has moisturized my lips and stopped the peeling within a few days.  When you use the balm your lips will be “slick,” but I enjoyed the moisture it provided.

My favorite?  The Raspberry Mango Tango Fizzie.  I have never tried a Lush Bath Bomb so I can’t compare, but I can certainly recommend this fabulous product.  My first thought when I placed it in the bath was, “How does she DO it?!”

The fizzie slowly releases a stream of bubbles as the fruity smell fills the tub area.  Pieces of raspberry floated around and my skin instantly began to feel soft.  Even after the bath my skin was smooth smooth smooth.  And the best part?  I didn’t slip in the shower the next morning from an oily tub.  Bonus points.

But what are the prices like?  Good.  Very good.  My large fizzie was $3.50 with very reasonable shipping.  With things so tight I go around in thrift store clothes and holes with socks.  But with these prices I splurged just a tiny bit without feeling guilty!

This week I agreed to taste test Jen’s Christmas cookies, bourbon balls and fudge.  I was the most excited about the bourbon balls, since I haven’t had this delectable treat since college.

Yesterday the package arrived.  With great anticipation I snuggled up on the couch and opened my loot.  And there they were.  Two delectable bourbon balls calling my name.  I took a bite, let the chocolate melt in my mouth and then waited.  And there is was.  Smooth, almost fruity tasting bourbon.  FANTASTIC.

And the cookies?  I can’t tell you how they were because my daughter saw HER name on those.  But the sound of her crunching intermingled with mmmMMMmmmMMMMM  led me to believe they were great.

The big surprise was the fudge.  I had not expected it in the sample box and had left it for last.  But don’t they say to save the best for last?  In this case, I certainly did.

This fudge is hearty, to say the least.  It is a rich, dense and heavy chocolate with nuts intermingled among the velvety goodness.  Honestly, it is probably the best fudge I’ve ever had.  This is “hide the fudge from everyone else and then grab a glass of milk and sneak in the car with it while everyone is asleep” fudge.

So, no time for holiday baking?  Let Jen do the work for you.  You can order any of these fabulous treats just in time for Christmas.  And shhhh…. don’t tell anyone you didn’t make them yourself.  It’s our secret!

Disclaimer for our Big Brother Government Against Free Speech: These samples were sent to me FOR FREE with the intention of me writing a review.  I was not asked to write either a positive or negative review.  But gosh, it is FUDGE for heaven’s sake, what did you expect!

My friend finally purchased the rotisserie.  He said every day he came home from work he would enter his house to the smell of savory, tasty meat.  But the addiction didn’t end at that.  His wife told me weeks later, “I caught my husband watching that infomercial again…” 

Recently, I have become addicted to an infomercial myself.  The InStyler.  I think about it at work.  I think about it at home.  I want that InStyler.  I have curly, kinky hair and according to the infomercial, my hair can be straightened faster than I EVER dreamed possible.  And on top of that, my hair will be polished, shiny and silky!  It’s a miracle! 

It is also more than $100!  Sigh.  Goodbye InStyler.  Goodbye silky, shiny hair.  It just wasn’t meant to be.  But yet I am plagued by it day in and day out.  

I can hear my mother now.  “You wanted the Epilady and swore you would use it.  You got it, and it still sits in your closet, unused!”  Yes, she was right about that.  The Epilady was worse than natural childbirth.  And I’ve been through natural childbirth.  It sits untouched in my hall closet, deadly hair-pulling wires fully intact and functional.  But what my mother doesn’t know is I plan to one day become rich off of that Epilady.  It will be worth millions soon, and Ebay is calling my name.  Mint condition! 

You know… I have another blog that I write reviews in.  Perhaps… do you think…. ?  Perhaps if I contact the InStyler company I can offer a review if they send me the InStyler, free of charge?  You think?  My mind is racing!  Shiny hair!  POLISHED HAIR… I MUST HAVE THAT INSTYLER! 

So I ask you.  What is YOUR infomercial dream?

My sis has a slew of kids – some off to college, with the youngest now only four.  Tommy is around the middle.  This is not a normal family, with normal problems.  It is a family whose single mother, my sister, went for years getting sicker and sicker from an undiagnosed case of Lyme disease.  She has been almost crippled, has almost died, and has permanent damage, despite the many antibiotics she has been pumped with.  Unfortunately, Lyme stays in your body if not caught early.  But that is another story. 

So during the worst of it all, Tommy took it upon himself to cook.  He had no choice.  Mom couldn’t cook, and Tommy had a knack for making great meals for a big family.  He experiments, he substitutes and he creates.  And it is GOOD. 

Now, to add a bit more to the mix, my sister’s youngest daughter has diabetes AND multiple food allergies.  She has an insulin pump, and every bit of food that goes in her mouth has to be examined for allergies and calculated for diabetes.  But Tommy stepped up and learned how to cook for diabetic children and kids with food allergies. 

I helped Tommy start a blog so he can share some of his great recipes and cooking tips.  He is also hoping to help support the family with his hard website work as well.  This blog is REAL.  You can tell by the occasional misspellings (I text him about those, poor baby!), funny jokes and great tidbits about the family.  I also keep at him about adding more pictures of what he cooks – I promise to teach him more about that.  IF he wants me to.  After all, it is HIS blog! 

I wish I could share the lasagna he made for me.  But that is long gone.  This kid can COOK.  It is definitely worth a subscription.  I am proud of him.  He didn’t know anything about blogging or websites, yet he is teaching himself and working hard at his posts. 

So take a peek and flip through some of his older posts.  Cute, delicious and funny!

Cooking and Food Blog – Cook up Fun!

The answer was even better than I thought, and is now on the top of my own wish list.  What did I get?  A Mino Flip Video.  (Hear the angels sing as you read those words!) 

The cost was about $160 plus shipping.  As you can see from the picture, it is small.  No, I would say tiny.  Smaller than my cell phone, and fits right in my pocket.  I mean his pocket. Sighhh… I mean MY pocket. 

Ready to film?  Just push the button and shoot. There is a zoom and a display screen so you can see exactly what you are filming. You can watch the video you just took and delete it on the fly if you so choose. 

Ready to upload?  Push a button and out pops your usb connection.  Plug it in and immediately see your videos. You can create little movies with pre-loaded themes and music, or create your own.  

Click a button and it will compress your video and help you upload.  (Again, hear the angels sing!)  Literally, from camera to pc to upload?  About 5 minutes. 

I joined Vimeo and uploaded a mix of three clips, taken tonight at the Virginia Marine Science Museum.  On my computer the videos are incredibly clean.  They lose some quality if you prepare them for upload, but retain the quality if you are working with them from your own pc.  It’s up to you! 

First, the biggest puffer fish I’ve ever seen. Next, a shark – Dun Dun Dun Dun!  Finally, the rays.  My daughter LOVES petting the rays.  What you are seeing is two rays fighting over a giant clam.  Yes, rays eat clams – who knew!  The occasional rippling was caused by a very friendly ray swimming to the surface with a big ray-style hello. 

The Mino is fabulous for kids, or for trips that you prefer to make without extra baggage.  I wouldn’t use this for a once in a lifetime event, but for small things, it is a lot of fun.  After a bit of saving, I am going to purchase a Mino for myself.  You charge it from your computer, no power cords, no usb cables… simply pop a button and plug her in!  COOL!

Sea Life at the Virginia Marine Science Museum from shootmenowblog on Vimeo.