In Public « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me Now

» In Public

Shopping.  With Style.
Published on Sunday, December 21, 2014 by Imagine the back wall of TJ Maxx. It has at least five rows of shelves holding more picture frames than the eye can see. I had to choose a frame for my daughter’s friend, without my daughter to supervise. I pulled three frames at a time and sent pictures of them to my daughter. The rejects were then placed carefully back on the shelves. And I really was careful. ...
I am a Stupid B*%&@
Published on Sunday, October 27, 2013 by When I was taught how to drive, a red arrow meant stop and do not turn.  AT ALL.  If you turned on a red arrow, you were making an illegal turn.  Period. So last week I came to a red arrow.  Several cars were behind me, waiting for the light to turn green.  Except for two women a few cars back who were extremely angry that I would not break the law.  HONK HON...
Delusion and Reality
Published on Monday, January 21, 2013 by That’s me.  Extraordinary hiker.  Fisherman.  Amateur photographer.  I am a gazelle on the trail and an expert behind a fishing rod.  And I'm absolutely GORGEOUS while doing it all. Ummmmmm…. Yea.  Not so much.  Above?  Delusion. Below?  Reality. Artardness.  It’s a dirty job, but somebody’s gotta do it!   And yes, you are right.  My ...
DO IT ANYWAY!
Published on Monday, January 14, 2013 by As an adult, have you ever seen a ride or attraction you wanted to go on really REALLY bad but were afraid to try?  That was me this weekend, staring at the Flowrider Surf and Bodyboarding Simulator at The Great Wolf Lodge. Child after child after child went on this thing, with either great success or complete defeat.  But even in defeat the kids ran right back in ...
Bed Bugs in Virginia Beach
Published on Thursday, July 19, 2012 by Say it isn't so! Let’s start from the beginning.  A year ago, I met someone who worked for a local exterminating company.  His specialty?  Checking Virginia Beach hotel rooms for bed bugs. EW. My big question?  “Do these hotels still rent rooms that they know contain bed bugs?” He replied while nodding furiously, “Oh YEAAAAA.” EW. Last night?  I...
Bats In The Belfry And Pads On The Purse
Published on Wednesday, May 9, 2012 by I didn’t notice it until last week.  And considering it has been a few months since I last hiked, it’s probably been stuck to the bottom of my purse for quite a while. Work.  School.  Church.  Restaurants.  Stores.  I’ve carried it everywhere.  And no one said a THING.  In looking at a picture of it, I can only guess why. Sanitary napkin?  Actually,...
You Can Dress Me Up But…
Published on Tuesday, May 1, 2012 by I have been dying to tell you this story.  For THIRTY DAYS, I have been posting a picture a day in the amazing April photo challenge.  But for THIRTY DAYS I have had a story to tell that has kept me bursting at the seams. The story I am about to tell is completely and absolutely true.  If you know me, there will be no question as to the validity of this tale.  ...
It Has Come Down To This
Published on Saturday, August 20, 2011 by When I was young, I remember hearing my mother cry out, “Why isn’t anything ever my own?!”  My response would be to roll my eyes.  But now, I get it.  To the point of crying out the same words when looking for a simple match to my own socks. Indeed, only three days after buying my last bag of socks, ALL WERE GONE.  Why isn’t anything ever my OWN!? So now...
Be Warned. I Wrote About Poop.
Published on Thursday, May 5, 2011 by Last week I pulled something out of my dog's butt.  It was outside.  In public.  You are welcome for that. If you own a dog, I bet you've done the very same thing. Go ahead.  Admit it.  There will be no judgment on my end.  Or from your dog's end, for that matter. You see, my dog may appear to be a pure breed Dalmatian, but in fact she is part dog, goat,...
Dog Training Fail
Published on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 by I’ve never had a trained dog before.  As a matter of fact I’m certain my right arm is longer than the left as a result of being dragged on dog walks.  But with our new Emma being deaf, training is a necessity – for her safety and my piece of mind. Now I normally don’t curse, but in this case I find I must.  Looking for a trainer who is experienced with d...
The Case of the Traveling Panties
Published on Saturday, October 23, 2010 by My unmentionables have legs, I swear.  I first noticed this years ago, when my boys attended a home daycare.  The sitter called and asked where my oldest child's medicine was. I waited as she dug through the diaper bag.  I heard a quiet pause and then, "Ummm, why is there black underwear in the diaper bag?"  Huh?  And then, "PLEASE tell me they are clean!" ...
Sometimes You Can Try Too Hard
Published on Sunday, June 13, 2010 by Today I discovered that sometimes you can try too hard.  But let me rewind and start from the beginning.  From the moment I was cleaning and accidentally touched the tiniest edge of my son’s surfboard.  The moment when everything turned to slow motion as the surfboard began a downward slide directly towards a wooden table.  I heard myself call out, “Nooooooo...
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