And in that Moment, I was Beautiful « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowAnd in that Moment, I was Beautiful

And in that Moment, I was Beautiful
Published on Monday, November 25, 2013 by

With a voice low and soft, he whispered to me words of love, endearment and hope.  I could still see his dark eyes, the same ones I looked at 30 years ago.  Oblivious to the traffic around me, I remained focused in the past…. breathing quick and shallow breaths.

That was all before 8 this morning.

So how did you start YOUR day?

Please.  Let me step back 24 hours and start my story anew.

cassette tapes

Recently I have been using a car that has a cassette tape player.  It wasn’t until yesterday that I found some boxes of my old cassettes.  I placed a few favorites in my bag as well as some that weren’t marked in any identifiable way.

After dropping off my daughter this morning I innocently flung my hand in the bag, fished out a tape and glanced at the writing on its label.  “Missing You.”  Hmmmm.  Who was missing me?  What is this?  Casually plopping it in the player, I turned up the volume and headed for work.

The moment I heard his voice, my heart caught in my throat.  Instantly I was thrown back in time.  At that moment my body showed no signs of childbirth.  Lines did not cross the aging skin of my face.  The future was still bright; I was young, beautiful and yes people… I was DESIRED.  <gasp!>

Didn’t think I had a shocking blog post in me, did ya!?

Indeed, over 30 years ago, a handsome, smart, funny and free spirited man made me a tape.  He sat alone in his apartment, microphone in hand and spoke for more than 30 minutes to me without a single break.  Try speaking for five minutes like that.  It is a difficult task indeed. But this guy… he was born with a gift for words.

This gentleman was not for me for several important reasons.  The deal breaker, however, was when I discovered he had a child and had lied about it.  I love children.  Always have.  To this day I still don’t understand why he didn’t tell me right away he had a child.  My heart is big enough for a billion children… plus one.

And so I drove….

“What tends to get under my skin is that I can walk down a street, or I can be combing my hair or driving my car and all of the sudden I see your eyes.  Right there, your eyes are in front of me.  And I see your smile.  The way that your mouth curves up in tiny little wrinkles that I think are so beautiful.  And the way your eyes crinkle.  And all of the sudden your whole face is right there….”

“Oh man.  Do you know how fucking much I miss you?  I don’t think other people appreciate you the way I do.  You make me feel alive…..”

“I want to start a future of some kind.  I’ve never wanted that before.  But then I’ve never seen red hair like yours before….”

Yea.  All before eight in the morning.

I am sorry I can’t share the rest of the tape with you but… well….

do not disturb sign

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

The fate of this particular individual is a good one.  He met a stunning, talented and successful woman whom I believe he is still married to after all this time.  Not that I stalked…. Ummmm LOOKED.

What he doesn’t know is that words he spoke 30 years ago were spoken again today.  To an aging woman who was instantly transported back in time.  For twenty minutes today, I wasn’t in my late 40’s.  I was fresh out of high school, I was beautiful and I had my whole life ahead of me.

Words are a gift.  I thank you, my old friend, for your precious whispered words.  For these unexpected and lovely words gave me a taste of the unattainable fountain of youth.  Today, in a moment, I was young…. and beautiful.

fountain of youth picture

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