If I Could Change One Thing « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowIf I Could Change One Thing

If I Could Change One Thing
Published on Friday, November 9, 2012 by

NaBloPoMo Day Friday, November 9, 2012 asks me, “If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be?”

Oh my goodness what a loaded question.  And not truly answerable in a public forum.  At least not the mother of all answers.

There are about three things I could list that need changing immediately.  Big things.  But let’s take it a notch or two down and talk about change number four.

“If I could change one thing in my lift right now, it would be that I was never hit by a distracted driver on June 25, 2012.”

This is me before the accident:

As many of you know, I never stop.  If I’m not working I’m with my children, period. But not sitting around… life is too short!  We are fishing, hiking, swimming, body boarding, crabbing, collecting sea glass, talking outside, gazing at the stars or working out in the gym.  I can read books and create my beads when they are grown and out of the house.  Plenty of time for that.

This is me after the accident:

I remember when my arms were tight.  When I became so in shape that I felt STRONG.  Both mentally and physically.  You need the couch moved?  Not a problem.  Here, let me get that for you.

Now, I can’t turn my head when someone next to me speaks.  Now I have to turn my entire body so the ache won’t begin to lock up my neck.  Now I do everything gingerly.  Because that pain in my two discs is always there and can pop at any time.  The pop is BAD.  Very very bad.

Yesterday I was in the gym and hung my head in shame.  Before me there was a woman my age using the pull-up machine.  Her arms were tight.  She was strong.  She was what I used to be.  I wanted to tell her, “I’m not on there because someone hit me!”  She was me, and I was a weakling stuck on the boring elliptical.

muscular woman's arm

I am only half the woman I once was.

To add insult to injury, tonight I opened a letter that finally caused me to break.  It is from a collection agency.  It is under my name.  It is threatening legal action and a bad credit rating.  For a bill related to the accident that has not been paid yet by the woman’s insurance company.

Yup, that was the straw.  And this camel broke down and cried tonight.

Damn you, June 25.  Damn you.

*Note:  You know, these NaBloPoMo topics are getting a little too deep.  Don’t you all think… just maybe… Fake Barbie needs to come back for a visit this week? And the big question… does Fake Barbie still have her Q?

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