This Bra Is Staying On, Thank You Very Much

Do you smell something burning?  See a little smoke?  Well, if you do, rest assured it is NOT my bra.

Accepted in America today?  Let’s see.

• Talk loudly on the phone while checking out – perfectly fine!
• Commercials about mutual pleasure during prime time.  Oh HECK yea!
• Turn on the radio with the kids and hear “I Wanna Take a Ride on your Disco Stick.”  Catchy tune!
• The word crap is perfectly acceptable.  Oh, and sucks too…. Yea boy!
• One word.  Viagra.
• Sex is on TV, billboards, commercials, magazines, junk mail and television – in your face, 24/7.

BUT.  Whatever you do.  Do NOT say Merry Christmas.  Because that would be BAD.  You might <gasp>… OFFEND SOMEBODY.  America, MAKE UP YOUR BLASTED MIND!

I am not a prude.   I am not a holy roller.  Remember… red haired Catholic girl… duhhhh! 

BUT.

I am not a bra burner either.  I was actually outraged when they ended the last Star Trek movie with, “To boldly go where no ONE has gone before.”   Ex-ca-USE ME?  No ONE?  This is freakin’ STAR TREK folks!  It is and shall always be “no MAN has gone before.”

The bra stays on, smoke-free.  If it didn’t, the girls look south anyways – so this is a benefit to us all. 

However, I am going to go a little crazy this December.  The next time I run to the drug store for a case of Viagra, I’m going to get off my cell phone, wipe the mutal pleasure product on the side of my jeans, turn Disco Stick down on my ipod, look the cashier right in the eye and say, “MERRY CHRISTMAS.”

Yea, I know.  I’m SUCH a rebel.

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