My Mom Is SO Going To Kill Me! « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowMy Mom Is SO Going To Kill Me!

My Mom Is SO Going To Kill Me!
Published on Tuesday, January 26, 2010 by

best helen keller jokesI have written three posts in the last two days, all of which were crumpled up and tossed over my shoulder.  From my now dead washing machine and flooded garage to my empty bank account and ever growing piles of unwashed laundry – let’s just say I sounded like a whiney, middle aged hag.

So I am completely turning the tables.  I am slowly learning from blogging rockstar Jen that sometimes it is more fun to be politically incorrect than it is to be a “mommy blogger.”

Are you ready?  Here goes.  Blog post, take four.

Over the last few weeks, I have heard more Helen Keller jokes than one should hear in a lifetime.  Being the most uberly awesome mother that I am, I have chastised my boys for such TASTELESS jokes.

Especially when my mom is around.  Cause gosh, Hellen Keller was deafblind yet was still an American author, a political activist and a lecturer.  (Sommmeeeoneee’s been reading Wikipediaaaa!)  And it is WRONG to tell Helen Keller jokes.  WRONG WRONG WRONG!  <snicker>

Father, forgive me for what I do.

  • What did Helen Keller’s parents call the closet?  Disneyland.
  • Where did Helen Keller’s parents say she was when people came to visit?  Disneyland.
  • How did Helen Keller burn her ear?  She answered the iron.
  • How did she burn her other ear?  They called back.
  • How did Helen Keller meet her husband? They were on a blind date!
  • How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? Break her fingers.
  • How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? She answered the stapler.
  • What is Helen Keller’s favorite convenient store?  WAAWAA
  • Helen Keller went to town riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her cap and called it…uuuuhhhhhh
  • What did Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
  • What did Helen Keller say when she found the cheese grater? It was the most violent book she had ever read.
  • Did you know Helen Keller had a pool in her backyard?  Neither did she!
  • Why can’t Helen Keller drive a car?  Because she’s a woman!
  • Why did Helen Keller’s dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was iuyirdydudjfhsdgaskj

My mom is SO going to kill me.

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