Top Ten Things I’ve Done As A Mom That I’m Not Proud Of « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowTop Ten Things I’ve Done As A Mom That I’m Not Proud Of

Top Ten Things I’ve Done As A Mom That I’m Not Proud Of
Published on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 by

bad mothersJen at Redhead Ranting wrote a list of the top five things you should never give on Mother’s Day. Excellent list and I agree, a Dyson would be a dream come true. But I’m not sure I deserve it.

With Mother’s Day around the corner, I have been looking back at the years gone by and have wondered how it all happened so fast. Motherhood has been a roller coaster indeed; sprinkled with moments I never once dreamed would be a part of my life.

Yes, many were wonderful, happy and earth shattering times. But I am a sap. And if I start to list the beautiful moments I will a.) start crying and b.) bore you to tears.

So let’s talk trash.

Sure, we all expect sleepless nights, dirty diapers and screaming children. But frankly, there have been moments that couldn’t have been predicted. Things that came out of my mouth that I would not have fathomed saying years ago. And of course, there have been things I have done that I am not proud of.

June Cleaver, cover your ears because this is a top ten list you don’t want to hear.

The Top Ten Things I’ve Done As A Mother That I Am Not Proud Of

1. Laughing at my children when they get hurt. Yes, I’ve done it. But seriously. When your teenager peels around a corner and runs right in to the wall, landing unceremoniously onto his ass, how can you keep a straight face? Or when one of the children is watching a horror movie downstairs, gets scared, runs upstairs, trips and flies UP the stairs and then head first into the wall? I mean, you certainly don’t want to see your children hurt, but when they do it with style?  OK so I tried to keep a straight face.  But I am the world’s worst liar.  I don’t think I’ll be getting an award for this one.
2. I’ve spied on my children. Yes, that was me in the hallway, holding my ear to the door as I listened to my son describe his girlfriend to a neighborhood kid. It was just too good. I couldn’t help myself. And he never found out.
3. The Blue Flame Club. My oldest children are members. My brother is the President and I am the Chief of Staff. I handed them the lighter. And I’m not proud.
4. I have caught vomit in my hand. It wasn’t mine. And I did it on purpose.
5. I’ve lied to my children. “Oh but you HAVE to wear a veil for First Communion. That is the rule!” “If you don’t wash your hair you will get bugs!” “Maybe if you hadn’t been so mean to your brother, this would not have happened!”
6. I’ve bribed my children. Enough said.
7. I have spoken to my children calmly, handling a stressful situation with both grace and parental maturity. And then I stuck my tongue out at them when they turned their backs. And it felt good.
8. My children have told me “not to tell Grandma” something. I said OK. And then I told Grandma that something. Because it was just too good. And they never found out.
9. I’ve told each child they were my favorite when pushed. And I told them not to tell the others. And they didn’t.
10. My middle school son once told me his school picture was really bad. And that he looked stupid in it. But he thought it was kind of funny. So I pulled out the school picture and chuckled. And then I started to laugh. And then I started to laugh so hard I cried. And then I turned and saw my child didn’t think it was quite that funny.  Oops.

Oh, I could certainly tell you the amazing things I’ve done, from fighting old school doctors who believed my first and very sick child simply had  “colic” to comforting and hugging away every bad thing I can. But that would be the safe thing to do.

Today I’m being honest. Parenthood is ugly. It can bring out the best in you, but it can also bring out the worst. And I am being brave enough to tell you the worst. If any parents you know say they have never done anything they aren’t proud of, then they are lying. And you should stick your tongue at them behind their backs.  And it will feel good.

Parenthood. Discuss.

mom blog

  • Jen

    I’ve done most of those. However, I have never told my children who the favorite is and one of them, the little one, so badly wants to know. Of course I tell her I love them both the same. And I do, there are just certain things about each of them that I like better. The fact that she loves the dog as much as she does me makes it that much harder not to tell the truth.

    I don’t get #4. Whose vomit was it? If it was a kids aren’t you supposed to catch it?

    And we are all guilty of lying to them. Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth fairy, etc….Bunnies in the ears, frog in the throat, all we ever do is lie to them.

    • Jen… Well, of course I go down the road of, “I can’t POSSIBLY tell any of you that I love you the most! I love you all EQUALLYYYYY!” And honestly I do… each is so unique. But after being dogged and dogged and dogged, one little line like, “Well even though it MIGHT be YOU I could never TELL!” shuts them up!

      It was the kids vomit. Are we supposed to catch it?

      Heyyy…. you know what? My parents lied to me then. Easter bunny, etc. Actually my mom did one BIG lie that I found out about as an adult. We were going cross country on a Navy move. We went up to Canada and they had REAL cream in the creamers. “If you shake it, it turns to butter” and it did! So we get back down to the states and it was the same story… although it was half and half. Which she knew would NOT turn to butter. But it kept us busy shaking the stupid things for miles, waiting for butter!

  • Psst… if they read this they will know about 2,5,8 and 9 meaning more of 6…

    • Penny – actually the kids have NO interest in my blog whatsoever. Not even sure they could find it – so I am LUCKY! Now when my daughter gets a bit older, she may start to read it… then she will find out all my secrets! And then there will be more of SIX LOL!

  • You mean Santa is not real?! hehe I’ve had lots of fun being lied about that actually. I was so sad when I found out my mom stuffs them, I was 12 and she said I was all grown up now. I told her I didn’t want to grow up and could she at least be Santa’s assistant?

    • Michelle, I was actually trying to make Jen feel better. Santa IS real! Actually I always get an extra year or two out of it by saying, “Yes, I do put some things out, but there is always ONE THING I didn’t put out that just appears”… really works! In MY world, there will always be a Santa, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy!

  • I do #7

    • Carmen, yeaaa! It’s not just me it’s not just me!!!

  • LOL, well it is a good thing I don’t have kids. I sure would have done all of the above. Especially at the kid that ran up the stairs and crashed head first into the wall. Of course I at least would have waited to see if he had a concussion.
    Also, by the way Santa is real isn’t he?? And there is not an Easter Bunny?? Yikes that is a terrible thing.
    Have a great day. Sorry that you are such a terrible mom.

    • Marg, OK I hate to admit this but I’m actually a pretty good Mom… I always make sure I don’t have to take them to the hospital if I am tempted to chuckle. But now that I think about it, the last time I got really hurt was when my teen slammed me in the arm with a Lacrosse ball. (Yes I am SO COOL I play Lacrosse with him) It hurt BAD. And he LAUGHED! (maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?)

  • Your list seems pretty tame to me. No permanent waves or driving off on vacation leaving them behind.

    To make you feel better, I was struck by Elisabeth’s confession on The View on
    Friday of 1) lying to her kids for no good reason (being human a reason for honesty not deception); 2)wanting to trash a worthwhile project for her kids because she wasn’t willing to be honest, and 3)passing up an opportunity to teach them that we all have to deal with the s**t that happens in life. Plus forgiveness & moving on.

    A friend’s friend told her child there is no Santa. Child, feeling betrayed, looked up into her eyes and said, “I suppose you’re going to tell me that there’s no Easter Bunny either?”

    • JoyACookin’, Oh NO! I got a very sad face when I read your last line!!! My sister in law always felt she had to be very honest. Her daughter asked if there was a Santa. She said she was so sorry that she asked her that, b/c she now had to tell her the truth. Her daughter absolutely WEPT. SO SAD!

  • I lie to my kids so much they don’t believe anything I say anymore. I just get a kick out of messing with them.

    • Sheila, have you ever told them the truth about something that was important, and they just didn’t believe you? That would be hysterical!

  • Jenn

    I will definitley mourn the days when Dairy Queen can’t solve the world’s problems!

  • Great list! Those are funny! Hey life is too short you have to take the laughs when you can. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day! 🙂

  • That’s not fair, most of these are things you are supposed to do. I’ve lied to my children too but if I believe it enough it has to be true doesn’t it?

  • Lorrmorr1956

    The first item, laughing at your kids when they possibly are suffering from internal injuries, took me back to when my son was about 6, and he was pretending he was surfing on the back of my friend’s flatbed truck. Well, we were going about 5 miles an hour in the neighborhood, but then we came to a stop sign and when we took off, my son tumbled off the tail end of the truck . There were some people in  a van behind us and by the time I got back there I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. My son just laid there in the road, spread-eagled, while the folks in the van leaned over for a better look at the victim and his obviously unbalanced Mom. You know how it is, when you absolutely must not laugh, and as soon as you think that thought, you get the most uncontrollable giggles ever. Then you get really embarrassed because you realize your laughter is inappropriate and people are staring….By the way, my son Joey is 23 now and does not hold the incident against me.  (He laughed his butt off the day I fell thru a hole in the kitchen floor of my trailer and GOT STUCK!)  Hey, so did my husband, come to think of it…..

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  • Best list EVER!

  • Lauren

    Dont expect to win best mother ever. :O

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