All I Want For Christmas Is…. « Shoot Me Now

Shoot Me NowAll I Want For Christmas Is….

All I Want For Christmas Is….
Published on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 by

jamming cell phonesLast week my mother asked what I would like for my birthday and for Christmas.  At my age, there isn’t much to ask for.  Some Lush soap, good face cream, some inexpensive gold hoop earrings… nothing to write home about.

But that was yesterday and this is today.  THIS is the day I discovered what I REALLY want.  Make that what I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT!

“And MOOOOoooommmmmm!  It ONLY COSTS THREE HUNDRED DOLLLLARRRRSSSS!”  <cute look>  <whine>  <whimper>  <cute look again>

I officially want (NOT a Kindle, NOT a digital camera, NOT a laptop) a CELL PHONE BLOCKER.  Oh YEA BABY.

Today I was on a two hour drive and was listening to talk radio.  A man was describing his new gadget, <say really loud and slow> THE CELL PHONE BLOCKER.  This is an ILLEGAL (mere technicality) gadget you can buy that will block all cell phone signals within a 100 yard range.

Ladies and Gentlemen, imagine the possibilities.  How many times have you been in a restaurant, only to be disturbed by some clown next to you yacking on the cell phone.  With a simple push of a button… <beeeeeeeeeeepppppp>…   “Hello?  Hello???  Are you there??  Stupid phone!”

Or how about those check-out lines and doctor’s offices.  “And I told him that he better stop talking to that girl, because she’s a tramp and <beeeeeeeeeeepppppp>… Hello?  Hello?  DANGIT!”

This guy uses his blocking device DAILY.  Just for laughs.  The gadget has an antenna or two on it, along with a red light.  He explained that tape can be put over the light, and the antenna can be hidden by a napkin or newspaper.  As a matter of fact, he holds the device to his ear every once in a while just to make others mad that SOMEONE has a signal there!

But his FAVORITE place to use the blocking device is in traffic.  Imagine being stuck, bumper to bumper.  People are yapping on their cell phones to the right and left of you.  With a simple push of the button, you can watch the cell phones drop like flies.  This man said he saw a woman get so mad at her phone that she threw it down to the ground.  FUN!!!!!

So please Mommy PU LEA EA EA EA EAAASSSEEEEEEE!  I want a cell phone blocker for Christmas!  I promise I will take care of it and feed it and let it out and … and ….. <cute look?>

If you could have ANYTHING for Christmas or Hanukah, what would it be?

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