Shoot Me Now

We all like to think we look fabulous, don’t we?  This week I didn’t necessarily feel fabulous, but I thought I was dressed neatly - at the minimum. Walking down the hall at work, two ladies behind me said, “Ummm, we hate to tell you this… but you have something on your butt.”  Now, it didn’t end with a quick brush of the pants to remove an offending piece of lint or dirt.  Their eyes got squintier as they zoomed in for a closer look.

Between the two of them, they considered outloud exactly what could “be on my butt.”  Rust?  Paint?  And then it hit me.  Last week my kids all had strep throat.  I went through the house with a bottle of water and bleach, disinfecting everything in sight.  I must have sprayed the kitchen chair by accident and plopped right down onto it.

So picture this.  Me walking down the hall at work in black pants.  BUT… I had sat down in watery bleach, so there was a perfect flattened “butt mark” of bleached fabric on my rear, which had changed color to a lovely rust.

It didn’t help that when you sit, your rear end spreads out… this made the “butt print” even better.  Needless to say, I kept my hoodie tied around my waste for the rest of the day.  How embarrassing!

This is a great one.  My co-worker and I have just joined Curves together.  This is a workout gym for women just down the street from us - perfect for the lunch hour!  We haven’t mentioned it to anyone else - we want to wait until people start noticing the results.

Our first day was Monday.  I brought a shirt and pants to change in to once we were there.  Following our workout I changed back in to my clothes and returned to work.

About two hours later, I had two co-workers chase me down the hall with great excitement.  “Wait! Wait!  We have to talk to you!”  I stopped and they literally cornered me while one said almost accusingly, “You must have had a GREAT lunch!”  My mind began to race.  How did they know we joined?  What should I say?!  Then one of them plucked my shirt, smiling.  I looked down, and lo and behold - I had put my shirt on inside out!

I casually shrugged my shoulders and replied, “Ehh.. it wasn’t that good,” and walked right in to the bathroom to change.  I waited until the door closed before I started to laugh!